Of Senseless Horses and Mules

Psalm 32:9 "Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control"

I'm not sure what God is trying to tell me but over the last week, this verse has been tossed in my pathway in various forms and methods.  The more I thought about this comparison the more uncomfortably true the thoughts became.

Here's the context for this verse:
In the beginning of the psalm, David talks about the effect of his sin.  And how while he refused to confess his sin, God's hand was heavy on him and he was "weak and miserable and groaned all day long."

verses 5 - 10 (NLT)  Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them.  I said to myself, "I will confess my rebellion to the Lord." And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone. (Selah) 
Therefore, let all the godly confess their rebellion to you while there is time, that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment.  For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble.  You surround me with songs of victory.  (Selah)
The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.  I will advise you and watch over you.  Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control."  Many sorrows come to the wicked, but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord.

I can testify from personal experience that as long as I tried to hide my sins from God, I was miserable with an all-fours-locked-up approach to life and God.

I like the promise that when I confess my rebellion to God, He becomes my hiding place and my Protector.  Confessing my rebellion is not just confessing my action; it implies that my mindset, my attitude needs to be confessed.  God not only becomes my hiding place but He also surrounds me with songs of victory.  This reminds me of the picture of God's delight over us in Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.  He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."

It's a given that God will guide me.  Not just anywhere, but in the best pathway for my life.  It's not a maybe, it's a will.  He goes on to promise that He will give me advice and watch over me.  He's willing to be my personal guide.  The key for me is to not be like a senseless horse or mule who needs to be bridled.  God can't guide me if I don't allow Him to be my Master.  He's not interested in having a forced obedience.  He's not going to bridle me up against my will and force me to follow Him. No, He gives me guidance and shows me what He wants for me but then allows me to choose whether or not I will follow His direction.  That my friends, is the mystery of God's love for us.  He gave everything in order to have a relationship with us.  He became vulnerable in order for us to become secure in His guidance.

I know the extreme frustration of having a horse go against your wishes.  Some days, my horse decides she knows best.  Wills clash when she's got her agenda and I've got mine.  I just want to have a delightful relationship with her, I don't want to have to battle her stubbornness every time in order to have a relationship with her and enjoy a ride with her.  The times I ride and I constantly have to be asserting my commands by a strong hand on the rein and a stiff leg dug into her side, I am not experiencing much pleasure in our relationship.  But the times where she's one with my wishes and we're in sync, those are the times where I find intense delight in spending time with my horse.

The same is true with God and me.  God longs to have an in sync relationship with me.  He longs for me to want to follow His wishes for me.  God doesn't want to have to drag me along on the pathway He's chosen for us to walk on.  He wants me to be walking right next to Him hanging onto His hand, in step with Him.  He uses a strong hand with me when I need it but He doesn't delight in doing so.  When He allows me to go through painful times, He hurts with me.  He doesn't sadistically find pleasure in my intense battles with my prideful will.  He wants to see me willingly follow His lead.

I know the pure delight I feel when my horse chooses to walk alongside of me without being tethered to me, nudging my hand with her nose.  So it is with God and me.  He went through hell just to be able to sing over me in His great delight in my relationship with Him when I willingly walk beside Him.

May you hear your Father singing over you with great delight and may you feel His unfailing love surrounding you in the coming week.

Pursued

The Hound of Heaven ( poem ) has been hot on my tail here of late.  God pursues relentlessly yet mercifully.  Why do I feel the need to run?  When will I get the truth that His pursuit is nothing to run from?  

So many times I'm like the bad witch Mombi in the Land of Oz.  I change shapes hoping to escape detection by the good witch Glinda.  But like Mombi when I realize that I've been found out I change into a Griffin and run top speed away.  Just as Mombi failed to think through the fact that the SawHorse carrying Glinda would never tire due to his wooden make-up, so I too fail to grasp the fact that this finite body of mine will tire of running far before the infinite God will tire of pursuing me.

(and yes I have been reading through the Complete Wizard of Oz...it's called indulging the inner child) In my defense I will say this - there are many parallels to human nature and the Christian's life battle between good and bad to be found in these stories.

On a more serious note (and mature level)...I was also reading from the book of Hosea this weekend.    There's so much of me in this sad, sordid love tale of God and His people.  On my best day, in and of myself, I am a prostitute.  I leave God's presence for things that won't satisfy.  Without God redeeming me daily, I would still be an estranged harlot.  I sell my soul for instant gratification; I worship at the altar of earthly things, of worry, of doubt, of desire, of shame, of pride, of acceptance, of others' approval...and the list could go on.  Whatever calls to me louder than God's wooing, whatever pulls my focus away from my Lover, my Father, my Pursuer - this becomes my unfaithfulness, my betrayal to my Redeemer's everlasting compassion.  For each of us, it is something different.  I believe we each have our specific areas in which we struggle to not give our souls away at the price of being unfaithful to God, our Husband.

Here are some excerpts from Hosea that stood out to me:

Chapter 2:13-15  "I will punish her for all the times she deserted me, when she burned incense to her images of Baal, put on her earrings and jewels, and went out looking for her lovers," says the Lord.  "But then I will win her back once again.  I will lead her out into the desert and speak tenderly to her there.  I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a Gateway of Hope.  She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from the captivity of Egypt.

What impresses me here is that God makes it clear that there are consequences for our indiscretions, our betrayals of His compassion.  He metes out punishment but then He wins us back.  He leads us into the desert - a place of destitution, a place of barrenness, a place of testing where He is our only resource, our only Source to turn to for help and hope.  It is there in that desert, that He speaks tenderly to us.  And as we allow Him to speak tenderly to us, it is then that He can transform our Valley of Trouble into a Gateway of Hope and restore our "vineyards" to us.  Vineyards - a place of fruition and beautiful, lush landscape.  A place of beauty that brings honor to our Restorer.  

Chapter 2:19  I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion.  I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as Lord.

God will show us righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion forever.  And he will be faithful to us and make us His and we will finally know Him as Lord.  Wow!  To think that we can experience that right now with the promise of it being even more fully known in eternity.

Chapter 2:23  "I will show love to those I called 'Not loved.'  And to those I called 'Not my people,' I will say, 'Now you are my people.'  Then they will reply, 'You are our God.'"

If you are in a season right now where you think that God is calling you not loved and not His.  There's hope!  In the day that you allow Him to lead you to the desert or perhaps I should say when you allow Him to speak tenderly to you.  It's then that you realize that He is showing you love and is calling you "my people".  Our only response then is to say, "You are our God!"

Chapter 4:11  Alcohol and prostitution have robbed my people of their brains.

Chapter 4:18b Their love for shame is greater than their love for honor.

I wonder how many times God feels this way about me, about you.  Got your hackles up a bit?  Are you protesting that you're not an alcoholic or into prostitution?  Remember at our best days in and of ourselves we're no better than the most wretched sinner.  All sin is sin.  So with that in consideration -- I wonder if He says, Gossip and selfishness, lust and deceit, pride and self-righteousness, love of money and concern for appearances have robbed My people of their brains.  I wonder how many times He shakes His head at us

because we cling to our shame rather than accept His honor.  We find our shame to be too comfortable, to good of a smokescreen to let it go under God's redemption.  To let it go and embrace instead His honor, His forgiveness, His unfailing compassion.

Here's a good video that I highly recommend you watch. It, along with the other works I referenced, helped spark this whole line of thought.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZJWnyT7oTI&feature=share

Bittersweet

I wanted to be bitter.  I let myself feel resentment as I sat in church yesterday.  Yesterday was painful.  I didn't want to face yesterday.  Father's Day - a day of celebrating your dad.  Sure I could celebrate the memories I have but today that just didn't cut it.

I wanted Dad to be here in person.  I wished he were here filling the void, chasing away the empty ache.  I thought about the fun I used to have picking out a perfect Father's day card for him and how he loved the cards he got from his children.  I thought about how we always got together as a family Father's Day weekend to celebrate Father's day and Dad's birthday.

And I thought about the injustice of it all that some of the grandchildren will have no personal recollection of their grandpa.  I resented the fact that I was cheated out of years of advice for life that my others siblings got from him.

I sat in church and heard everyone refer to Father's day and I wondered if the youth around me knew just how privileged they were to still have their dads.  I wondered if they appreciated their dads' stability and protection and wisdom or if they, like me at their age, totally took their dad for granted and didn't realize how special their dads are.

But then I also thought of all the children who don't know who their dads are.  And I thought of those who wish they didn't know their dads because of what awful abuse they've received from their dads. And then I knew that I had to allow gratitude to flood my heart instead of bitterness and resentment.  Gratitude that God had given me the kind of dad who I would sorely miss when he was gone.  And that's when the day become not just bitter but also sweet.  I had memories of a dad who loved me, who took time for me, who showed me what it means to live entirely for Jesus.

I remembered the times he took me fishing and patiently pulled the fishing line out of the trees numerous times when as a little tyke, I was learning to cast.  I thought of the times he took me along on the truck and how he always stopped for ice cream or an iced tea.  I thought of when he helped me learn to ride bike.  And then of the time he brought home my first brand new bike at the ripe old age of 4.  And how when I wrecked it on my first trial run, he didn't yell at me for the forever bent wheel but instead straightened it the best he could and comforted my distress.  I remembered how I was bursting with pride when he taught me how to drive his two cylinder John Deeres and then how to operate the wheel loaders.  I remembered the many landscaping projects he helped me do and took time to explain the principles instead of just doing it himself.

I had lots of good memories flooding my pain-filled heart, but I also had remorse for the too many times that I bumped heads with Dad and let my temper rule the relationship.  I can rest in the fact though that yes we had our heated disagreements but we always reconciled after duking it out.

Even with all the good memories my day was still painful and I still longed to have Dad in person, to hear his voice, his whistle, and to see his smile once again.  To hear his wit and revel in his laughter, to hash things out with him and soak in his wisdom and insight.   I knew that my pain would only abate after I'd give my heavenly Father the bitter anger and resentment for my loss and allow Him to comfort my grief and catch my tears in His outstretched hands.  And when I allowed my grief-ravaged heart to rest in His presence, He was faithful in coming alongside of me and strengthening me in the midst of my pain and loss.

I don't know what it is that you may be grieving right now or what pain you may be facing but I urge you to go to your Father with it all.  He promises that He is there for us:
"The Lord who created you says: 'Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.  I have called you by name; you are mine.  When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you.  When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown!  When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.  For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior....You are honored and I love you.'" (Isa 43:1-3,4b NLT)
Neither is He untouched by your grief.
"You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book."  (Psalm 56:8 NLT)

A song for my dad: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7IbQyG9PL4

Addictions

Everyone is addicted to something.  Too strong of statement?  Maybe.  Honestly though, I'm not sure that it is.  We humans are made to crave.  Addiction is an innate drive for something.  This innate drive leads to compulsive behavior.

According to Psychology Today, most addictive behavior is not related to either physical tolerance or exposure to cues.  Rather, addiction is most commonly a reaction to emotional stress. Addiction is a wily vice.  It fools you into thinking that you are in control but in reality it's dictating your life with an iron rule.

We've been created with a vacancy deep in our soul.  A vacancy that then instigates an insatiable craving.  A craving that God intends for us to fill with Him.  But instead we look everywhere else for satisfaction.

Think about it...what is it that you feel you can't possibly do without?  Your phone, computer, movies, music, coffee, Mountain Dew, a caffeine fix, chocolate, food in general, shopping, words of affirmation, acceptance from your peer group, approval from your family, and the list could go on.  These things I just listed aren't wrong in and of themselves but it's when we need them in excess that the problem begins.  There's both minor and major addictions.  The major addictions are things such as porn, sex, drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, gluttony, etc.

I've been battling a serious addiction for a couple of years.  At some points in the battle, I've been lackadaisical and cowardly; at other times I've been aggressively ambitious in fighting it.  Time and time again, I need to take myself to task.  How desperately I want to be free of my addiction determines how hard I fight against it.

The place of addiction can become comfortable and familiar.  It becomes our haven when life is too much to deal with.  Whatever our addiction may be, it becomes our god.  We turn to it instead of looking to God for help.  We then become self-sufficient.  We think we can handle life on our own and turn to our addiction anytime we feel the need for backup.  Addictions make us selfish because we focus more and more on how we can satisfy that craving.  Addiction when not dealt with becomes our master.

How would life change if we became "addicted" to good things?  Such as, God's approval in our life, the Bible, reaching out to others, and seeking God in every aspect of our life.  How would my life be different if I would consistently fill my inner craving with God instead of other things?

With Faces Unveiled

This morning I read 2 Corinthians 3:18 "We all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord,
are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another."

With unveiled face - This is the prerequisite for being able to behold the glory of God.  Is my face unveiled?  What veils have I gathered to myself?  Why do I feel as though I need to veil my face in the presence of God's glory?  More times than not, I have one of my veils in place when I come into God's presence.  The veil of shame is the one most often present.  But I have other veils layered over my face.  Pride, self-sufficiency, doubt, unbelief, and indifference.  I mistakenly believe that if I hide behind my veils, God won't see through my facades.  The veils don't hinder God from seeing my heart and reading my mind.  The veils do hinder His permeating love and mercy.  They hinder His forgiveness and tender work in my heart.  I tell myself that I am too unworthy to behold His glory.  This is true if I try to approach Him on my own.  But Jesus extends to me the invitation to come boldly in His name before the Father.  In the previous verses, Paul tells us that the veil is caused by a hardened heart and closed mind but it can be removed only by believing in Christ.  Jesus is the only solution for removing these veils that seem to be etched into my face like irreversible tattoos.

Beholding the glory of the Lord - Do I take time to do this?  Or is all my time in His presence spent fighting against the removal of my "protective" veils?  What does it mean to me personally to behold God's glory?  Once Jesus helps me remove those veils, do I lift up my eyes to behold God's face or do I sit with downcast eyes in His presence?  God's glory is life changing.  It transforms a person who spends time in His presence. The transformation is a slow process perhaps but all the same it is a measurable transformation according to this verse.  God longs to change us into the same image, an image that soaks up His glory and then reflects it to those around us.  Am I reflecting His glory or am I a distortion of it to those looking at my life?

I find it is one of the most challenging and yes, painful processes, this exercise of letting Jesus remove my self protection. And it seems when one layer comes off, He gently tugs at yet another layer, one that's embedded even deeper than the one He just peeled away.  I long to better behold my Father's glory and to learn to unveil my face in His presence and as I leave His presence to then authentically portray His image "from one degree of glory to another."

How To Pray For The Man Who Kills Babies

How To Pray For The Man Who Kills Babies
  

in light of my last post the blog linked here is worth reading.

Reactions to the Gosnell Trial

I don't know how many of you are aware of the murder trial going on in Philadelphia right now.  Dr Kermit Gosnell, he doesn't even deserve the title Doctor because of his actions, is on trial right now for his atrocious actions performed to babies in his abortion clinic.  I'm following this trial even though it makes me sick to the stomach.  To think that a human being can become so calloused to another life.  I think it is of special importance to me because I am currently doing the maternity/labor & delivery/pediatric rotation this spring for school.  I love the newborns and how they are such a living miracle, really.  I struggle to have a Christian attitude toward Gosnell but I remember that he too has a soul and God's heart aches for him to soften his heart and repent of his evil works.  Let's pray for justice but at the same time let's pray that somehow God's truth and light would reach this man's dark evil soul and he would repent while there is yet a chance.  And let's pray for those whose eyes may be open to how atrocious abortion is that they would realize there are other options available to take care of the life growing inside of them.

The link below is a stirring memoir of the infants whose lives Dr. Gosnell ended.

Spiritual Klutz: To the Infant Victims of Dr. Kermit Gosnell: This post is written in memory of the countless infants who were murdered at the hands of Dr. Kermit Gosnell, who is currently on trial in P...