Assessments in General; Inspection in Particular

My fingers have an urge to write but my heart wants to shut down.  So forgive me if this doesn't flow very well.  I have no idea as to what is going to come out but I'm just letting my fingers on their own.  Rest assured I will attempt to engage my mind as well.

We've been focusing on head to toe assessments in nursing school for the last multiple weeks.  And we've been poking and prodding our patients in a very intrusive, bumbling sort of way.  So far the patients have all been very kind about the fact that they are the newbies' guinea pigs.  I still feel bad for them though because who feels like having slow and tedious assessments done when probably a dozen medical staff have already assessed you in the last 12 hours.

All that aside, doing all this studying on physical assessments has had me thinking a lot about spiritual assessments.

There are four main aspects to an assessment of your patient:  inspection, auscultation, percussion, palpation.  We'll take a look at inspection in this post.

Inspection:  With inspection you're on the look-out for scars, pressure ulcers, swelling, discoloring, asymmetry, and just the general condition of the patient.  Initial inspection upon walking into the room can tell us a lot about the patient but it doesn't disclose the deeper conditions present.  That is why with each step of the assessment we get a little more intrusive. Close up inspection often gives away the presence of something internal.  And so it is with spiritual inspection.

We think we can successfully gussy up our outsides so that on initial inspection we look as though our hearts are in excellent condition before God.  But upon closer inspection, our veneer will eventually crack and the tell-tale signs of inner struggles will tip others off.  We humans are proud fools.  We don't usually stop at just trying to fool others - we try our hardest to cover up and fool God.  People may pick up on the outward anomalies but they may not be able to put their finger on it right away, however, God is like the X-ray machine - He sees right through you at first glance.

Do I allow others to see my scars, my wounds, my pressures, my swelling, my discoloring, and my asymmetry?  If the answer is no - why?  Why do we as Christians fear to let our insecurities, our doubts, our spiritual deformities show?  People who admit their doubts and spiritual deformities and share the story behind their scars are far more effective in God's kingdom than are those who act like they aren't the wounded souls that all humankind essentially is.  Scars are not shameful.  If you, like me, struggle to believe that your wounds and scars are not something to be ashamed of, take a look at Jesus.  If He would be ashamed of His scars and wouldn't have revealed them to us, for me the reality of what He went through would have less impact on my soul.  Those scars are testimony of His love for us - the unfathomable love that drove Him to suffer the worst imaginable horrors of suffering.  Same with us, I think that the more we are willing to bare our scarred souls and wounded hearts to others the greater the impact of God's redeeming grace on the souls we are trying to reach.  So drop the mask of mastery in life and allow the wounded glory of your God-touched soul to shine the Gospel's healing Light on those you meet along the way.

So far I've just been focusing on what we ourselves appear like upon others' inspection of our lives.  But what about our inspection of others?  I guess my biggest question is...Do we inspect others through the eyes of Jesus?  Or do we inspect them with a harsh eye of judgment?  Do we allow the longing ache in others' eyes to register in our hearts?  Or do we, in our selfish, hasty pursuits of life, quick glance away from their hurt, their empty looks and think to ourselves "if only those hurting souls could get help"?  What about the friend who says she's fine but you see the contradiction in her eyes? (Let's face it - we women are excellent cover-uppers.  Somehow we've imposed upon ourselves the need to be strong at all costs and bear the weight of the world on our shoulders alone.)  Do you glibly promise prayers for her and then fail to take time to hound the throne of heaven on her behalf?  Do you take the time to follow up with those who share their hearts with you?  Does your worldview consist of only you and the immediate circle of close friends in which you move?  Or do you see the loner on the street, in the coffee shop, in line behind you at the grocery store, sitting next to you in school, or how about the person next to you in the pew on Sunday?

I guess what I'm aiming for is this: humans naturally try to appear like they have it together because they fear the scorn of others.  In truth though, more often than not, we are struggling bravely in the throes of our wicked hearts' battles and are secretly wishing that someone would see through our thin facade and hear our silent, desperate cries.

I'm challenging myself to learn the art of inspecting with the eyes of Jesus and recognizing the emotional scars and wounds of others without quickly averting my gaze so I don't have to become personally involved.  The world around me is a kaleidoscope of hurts, fears, insecurities, disappointments, sorrow, loneliness, rejection, and desperation.  My job is to be on the look-out for opportunities to allow God to use my battered being to reach out to those souls with His hand of compassion and hope.

Prayer for All My Faith Sisters Out There

Hi y'all.  I know I've been horrible about writing on here.  The only thing I'm going to raise in my defense is that...

A. I'm in nursing school and it's hardcore, never time to catch your breath (or your thoughts or your sleep or your friends...you get the idea)
And....
B. I'm in nursing school and I'm working almost every day, which I'm cool with that but just saying...
And....
C.  I'm in nursing school and I study a LOT. (ok I'll quit the excuses already - oh did I mention that I'm in nursing school?)

I may be running around like a chicken with it's head chopped off these days but I'm telling you -- I am loving nursing school.  It just feels so right when I'm engaged on the floor as a student nurse.  I'm where I belong when I've "got my nursing on"  =)

Anyway, I'm going to cheat today and paste a prayer on here that gave me goosebumps just being in the group that it was prayed over.  I attended a Beth Moore Women's Conference the second weekend of September and I tell you my parched and weary soul was filled to bursting and I went away from that freshly energized to stick it out with God.

Here is the prayer.  Read it like you mean it and even pray it out loud.  But only if you really want God to do His life-changing work in you.  Because with God - you really do always get what you asked for.  At least we have the comfort that it's always for our good.


Living Proof Live Prayer 2012

All powerful, All glorious God,
Creator and sustainer of Heaven and Earth
The One who loves, us, calls us, and graces us
He who can do no wrong
And for whom NOTHING is impossible
With everything in me this day
I intercede for my sister
This, Your beloved daughter
Set Your love so steadfastly upon her
that she feels the beautiful weightiness of it.
Stir up in her an unexplainable hunger
for Your Presence and Your Word.
Be her prized portion, Lord Jesus.
Awaken anything that has died an unnecessary death in her.
Grant her tenderness toward You and compassion toward others.
Pluck out by the deepest roots anything in her life that YOU did not plant.
Make Yourself noticeable TO her and make Yourself noticeable THROUGH her.
Build her into a REMARKABLE servant
That impacts her entire family line.
When Your ways are hidden from her,
Flood her with the supernatural comfort
Of her absolute unhiddenness with You.
Convince her to quit hiding the things that need the most healing.
Be her stunning strength in weakness.
Lend her rapturous moments of exulting and dancing
Even in much tribulation.
Be the best thing that ever happened to her relationships Lord.
Give her favor with You and with man.
Miraculously birth within her a love for her enemies
And after her sacrificial love has come to full bloom,
miraculously cause her enemies to be at peace with her.
Right now, Lord, even RIGHT NOW go to the depths of the darkness within her
and dispel any hatred buried there.
Bring her dramatically into agreement with You
Over all her resentment and bitterness
And all claims to entitlement
Empower her to forsake her unforgiveness
and to forsake every grudge and destructive self-comfort.
Fire her up in her a fury of spiritual giftedness
and enable her to do what is verifiably impossible for her.
Grant her great delight and true humility in serving others
Slay every prejudice and fleshly partiality.
Whether or not she is gifted to speak or teach
Grant her the supernatural unction to clearly communicate Christ
Touch her lips with coals from Your altar
And sanctify her to carry the Gospel into her sphere of influence.
Give her eyes to see the invisible and the sacred in the simple.
Infuse her with a strong sense of purpose and
an undaunted appreciation of adventure.
Make her intolerant of any area of personal bondage
and urgent about her freedom.
Be her ever-loving Defender and Deliverer.
If she’s in a desert, bloom something stunning and obvious there.
If she’s drowning, plant the soles of her feet on the surface of the water.
If she’s coldhearted, crack the shell around her heart and set her free to love.
Reveal to her the root of her fears
Give her courage to forsake it
Then astonish her with a freedom that is not of this world.
Jesus, make her living proof.
Blow her faith wide open.
In closing, Lord, I speak Your all-glorious Name over her
In all the weight and authority it carries.
I speak Jesus over her Spirit.
I speak Jesus over her heart.
I speak Jesus over her mind.
I speak Jesus over her physical body.
In obedience to Your Word, I have prayed by faith
and my willing sister has received by faith.
As You accomplish these divine works according to Your will
and to Your purposeful timing,
Make her acutely aware that it is YOU.
Cause her to make her boasts in You alone.
And cause her with much amazement to behold the miracle within
And say, “Who is this You are making me? Who is in this body of mine??”
In Jesus’ wonder-working Name and matchless authority,
Amen and So Be It.

© Beth Moore 2012

Shame's Demise

I’ve been thinking a lot about regrets and the shame associated with most regrets.  I have regrets of words unspoken to my Dad; regrets of many times when I chose to worship self instead of my Creator; regrets of ignored opportunities to speak a word about my Savior; regrets of rashly spoken words in the heat of the moment; regrets of blatant sin and a calloused attitude toward those sins; regrets of missed chances to do a Good Samaritan deed; and the list could go on.  My point is that all of us have regrets of some kind or another.  Regrets are normal in our day to day living because we are human and we aren’t perfect in our manifestation of Christ in us. 

It’s good to reflect on those regrets to an extent but what really matters is what we ultimately do with them.  In my life, one of Satan’s most effective tools is shame.  Shame and regrets often go hand in hand.  Shame is an elusive agent to track down.  It has a tendency to lurk in the background.  It’s not out front with its influences but it rears its head when I’m weak and discouraged in the Christian battle.  Satan waits until I’ve fallen and then he pours on the power of shame.  He uses shame to try to persuade me that it’s not worth fighting anymore.  “Look at all the times you’ve face-planted in the muck of sin.  You can’t ever pull away from the shame of it all.  You may as well just keep living how you want to instead of following God because you’re a failure and you’re a shame to God.  There’s no way God doesn’t remember your failures.  In fact, it’s because of Him that you feel ashamed and dirty" and on and on.  When I’m down and out, those lies initially make a whole lot more sense than the absolute truths spoken by God the Father. 

Jesus died to redeem my shame.  The concept that grace and forgiveness eradicates my debilitating shame is beyond comprehension.  When all I see and feel is the overwhelming, paralyzing darkness of shame, I can’t grasp the truth that there is Someone who removes my shame and doesn’t even see it anymore.  Jesus doesn’t look at me and see my shame; He looks at me and sees His child who He gave His all for her forgiveness and redemption.  I’ve hidden so long behind my mask of shame that it’s scary to have the Light dissipate that shame.  No longer am I “protected” by my shame; I’m stripped of its familiarity and “safety” and my heart is now naked and vulnerable before my Father and before mankind.

Shame can quickly become a person’s best friend.  We don’t like the sway it has over us and yet we find a certain comfort in it.  Satan knows that if he gets us paralyzed by shame; it’s an easy slide back into our favorite sins.  If I continue to be manipulated by my shame, in essence I am doubting the power of Jesus’ blood and limiting His ability to redeem and sanctify me and my shame.

Some Scriptures that recently reached me in my shame:  Isaiah 54:4-8, Luke 7:36-50, Luke 8:40-48, and John 8:1-11.  I highly recommend that you dig into these Scriptures and allow the truths of them to sink in to your heart’s innermost chamber.  I also challenge you to allow Jesus to enter into that chamber of shame with you and touch you with His healing hand of love.

I’m committed to daily make conscious effort to rid myself of shame and bathe in the redeeming, powerful love of Jesus, my Savior.

A lot of these thoughts have been sparked by a book I’m reading right now.  “Shame Interrupted” by Ed Welch, counselor at CCEF.  If you have the chance to read it, do!  

Controversy of God

I was paging through my journal and found this entry which was inspired by a Sunday morning sermon:

The Controversy of God 

Micah 6

The fact that the great God of the universe, the Most High and Holy One, comes down and pleads with us  boggles my mind. What does pleading entail?  It has two connotations, both of which pertain to the age-long relationship of God and His people.  On one hand, to plead is to earnestly appeal and implore, on the other hand, to plead is to argue or present a case in court.

God does both with His people.  I think right now we're more in the realm of His imploring us but the time is coming when He will take us to court and we will be defenseless before the Judge of the earth.  It's mind-blowing that He's even giving us a chance to voice our doubts and approach Him to talk.  Many times throughout Scripture, God gives us a very intimate look into His heart of hearts.  The way He lays bare His heart speaks much to me.  I don't lay bare my heart unless I am very close to a person and I am fully confident of their trustworthiness.  God reveals His heart and lays all out for us to see knowing full well that we are going to sneer and jeer at His tenderness and longing and stubbornly turn our backs on His pleading.

We can analyze the Israelites and point out all their shortcomings and wonder how they could reject God so many times after all He did for them.  We would do well to rather critique our own lives, our own track record.  Hasn't God done the ultimate for us?  We who were not His chosen people, the Jews, are now become His children and are given the permission to call Him, "Abba, Father" - the highest and most intimate endearment of the Jewish language. (Romans 8:14-17)  And this privilege is granted to us all because He loved us so much that He gave us the Ultimate Sacrifice - His only Son.  

Jesus begs us to come to Him when we are burdened and weary.  (Matthew 11:28)  He weeps over His people and laments over His longing to gather them under His wings as a hen with her chicks.  (Luke 13:34) God implores us through the words of His prophets before Jesus' time to return to Him and discover His goodness, mercy, and forgiveness.  (Isaiah 44:22)  The overshadowing theme of the entire Scriptures is God's longing for us to come to Him.  Arrogant creatures that we are, we constantly spar with God as though we have better answers for life.  Yet still God patiently beckons us to "Come".  He queries us, "What have I done to weary you?" (Micah 6:3) "Why do you turn away?"  

He doesn't write us off.  He never turns His back on us.  Instead, He turns His face on us to allow us to see His love, His longing, His pleading in His eyes.  Eyes that are brimming with compassion and hurt.  We would not purposely hurt our best friend.  And yet every time we have an errant streak or even a deviant thought, it's a personal affront to God.  We, the fragile creation, are capable of hurting our Creator, our Father, our Redeemer at the very core of His being.  He created us to be His and His alone.  We are not our own to do with as we please.  (I Corinthians 6:19-20)  No, we are His - our bodies, our minds, our souls, our passions, our longings, our desires, our secret ambitions, our very life - is His alone.

Do you dare to pray this prayer with me?

    

     Father God, I fall before You in repentance and sorrow for the many times I've willingly hurt You and spurned Your heart of longing for me.  My desire is to return Your love with all my heart and life but Father, it's so easy to become self-confident and self-serving.  Give me strength to continually fight down my sinful self.  Also Father, I long to grow in my enjoyment of You and my longing to spend time in Your Presence.  Teach me how to relax in Your loving Presence.  Abba, Father, I want to be Your little child, running to You for safety and help, climbing up on Your lap and allowing You to hold me while I face my fears and my hurts with You.  I want to please You with my life, my thoughts, my desires, and my worship simply because of Your astounding, overwhelming Love.  Thank You, Jesus for Your Love and Blood and for Your Mercy.

The Grim Reaper

My mind has been preoccupied with a subject that no one wants to be drawn back to again and again.  None of us like to face the Grim Reaper - Death.  We don't like to face the fact that at any time death might come claim us or worse yet, come and snatch away our loved ones.  Death is cruel, cold, heartless, irreversible, and unbiased with no respect for age.  Young and old alike are susceptible to death.  Death is not required to give us warning.  It comes whether or not you are ready for it.  Death comes for our loved ones even though there are still so many unspoken words and memories still waiting to be made, and even though there is so much advice and support still desired from the loved one taken.  Death has the ability to suck the life out of the ones left behind.  Death has a tenacious grip no matter how one begs and pleads and weeps for a reprieve of it's visitation.

Let me be clear before going any further with this post. I'm speaking from the perspective of a Christian and what death means for the Christian; I am not going to delve into the effects of death for the unbeliever. I believe God is present in our grief and in our experience with Death.  I believe God is in charge of calling us as Christians out of this world into His Eternal Presence and that as a Christian, death is not something we need to fear nor is it a hopeless finality - rather it is the opening of  a door into a much grander and more glorious life.  It is only the beginning of the beautiful life we all ache for and I believe we will once again be reunited with our loved ones.  But that knowledge does not erase the pain that death inflicts.  The knowledge that our loved ones are in a place far beyond our comprehension and are experiencing life at its best and fullest, this knowledge helps a tad bit in the face of the pain of separation.  But if I am honest (and I'm sure most of you would have to admit the same), I will admit that this knowledge pales to the point of nearly-forgettable existence when I am locked in the throes of grief and pain of separation that death has caused in my life.

Tragedy stops a person in their tracks.  Tragedy erases boundaries; differences are for the moment forgotten.  In the face of fatal tragedy, people come together regardless of whether or not they are acquainted.  Tragedy also draws our minds and hearts toward God, even those who hardly ever give God a nod of recognition in normal times.  The drawing of our minds toward God is not necessarily always with the proper response.  The tendency is within each of us to gravitate toward railing at God and blaming God for the pain that death/tragedy bring.  I'm telling on myself here.  Because of the sinful nature in us, it feels good to get angry with God.  In fact, we feel justified in being angry at God, because after all He's all powerful, He could have prevented this awful tragedy.  He could have spared my Dad from having a massive stroke.  Even if He allowed the stroke and the fall to happen, He could have worked a miracle.  I will admit my faith in Him was majorly depleted when He didn't come through for our family like I thought He should have.  Satan loves those moments, he takes advantage of our feeble faith and ravaged hearts.  Countless times he's gotten me to believe that if only I'd have prayed more, if only I would be more righteous and more fervent then as James says, my prayers would have been effectual.  Satan's favorite phraseology to throw at me has become "Psst, God doesn't care; God's not even remotely involved in your life neither does He love you enough to have compassion on you by allowing your Dad to live.  He's really just punishing you for not serving/loving Him with all your heart in times past" and on and on Satan goes.  It's hard to keep in focus the reality of who God is and what His heart is toward me when grief comes hounding my pain-ravaged heart in the darkness of the night.  That's where the comforts of Scriptures need to come alive which is difficult when my heart is clouded with grief.  But that is where God calls other people to come and minister to the grieving heart and their voice in the midst of the dark valley prompts my heart to accept the salve God is offering me.

The pain of separation overshadows every aspect of life.  At every turn, it seems something reminds me of my Dad.  When times are good and there's a cause for celebration, the celebration is tainted with the pangs of Dad not being present to celebrate with me.  When the going is rough, heavy sadness makes the going even rougher because my heart cries, "if only Dad were here to cheer me on, to encourage me in the battle, and diffuse the stress of the moment with his sound advice and positive outlook on life."  In the face of Death's cold, calculating visit, dark deep-seated grief threatens to consume me.  "Time brings healing" I am told...how fitting that the adage puts no limit on the amount of time that may elapse before healing and yet it seems that there is an unspoken rule among the human race for when those hurting and grieving should be healed.  Here me when I say that I have faith that healing does occur when journeying with the Master Healer who has come to apply balm to the hurting and to be a Father to the fatherless; but a physical wound this deep takes long to heal and even then leaves a tender scar and so it is with a heart wound.  I am thankful for those in my life who are willing to enter into my raw sadness and dark grief with me for however long it takes to journey through it and are willing to hurt with me in this.

Calling: Four Meanings

Calling: Four Meanings

click on the above link for some food for thought...am I in tune with God's calling in my life?

At long last I am back!  It's been a busy last couple weeks with hardly a spare moment between work and school.  Mulch has been selling like crazy this spring with all the early warm sunny weather we've had.  Many thoughts have been circling 'round in my head and heart -- I do believe it's time to start getting them out in concrete words instead of letting them remain phantom thoughts.  Meanwhile here's some pictures of a recent happening in the Martin realm.
One of our long-time customers and family friends, Wojton's Nursery gifted and planted a tree in memory of my Dad.  Mom's tree of choice was a weeping lacy leaf Japanese maple.  We are blessed by the Wojton family's generosity and their friendship.  Henry Jr and Rick came to do the honors on April 12.  We planted the tree in front of our porch hangout where Dad loved to snatch a few relaxing moments reading or chatting with friends and family.

Brokenness

I want to share a devotional that really spoke to me the other day.  Its from the devotional "Jesus Lives" by Sarah Young (& no that's not my pen name...) =).

     "Your weakness and brokenness draw Me ever so near you.  You can open up to Me 
     because I understand you perfectly.  My compassion for you is overflowing.  As you
     open yourself to My healing Presence, I fill you with Peace that transcends under-
     standing.  So stop trying to figure everything out.  Instead, lean on Me, letting your 
     head rest on My chest.  While you rest, I will be watching over you and all that 
     concerns you.
     Trust Me in the depths of your being, where I live in union with you.  My healing 
     work in you is most effective when you are actively trusting Me.  Though the 
     mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing Love for you will
     not be shaken.  This is the essence of My compassion for you:  No matter how
     desperate your circumstance, the one thing you can always count on is My unfailing
     Love."  (Isaiah 42:3; Philippians 4:6-7; Proverbs 3:5; Isaiah 54:10)


I don't know about you, but for me it's extremely hard to admit my weaknesses and to allow my brokenness to shine through.  I was challenged by the thought that it is precisely those two attitudes that draw Jesus very near to me.  If my heart is rebelling against my weakness and I'm desperately trying to hold the pieces together, I am in essence driving Jesus away.  


Opening myself to Jesus and His Healing Presence, means being vulnerable.  Before I can be okay with opening myself to Him, I have to first of all trust His heart of compassion toward me.  I struggle with leaning on my Jesus instead of wracking my brain trying to figure everything out.  Do you remember how when you would brush-burn your elbows or knees, how Mom would pull out the Peroxide and pour it on and oh how it burned?  My point is that Jesus' healing touch won't necessarily feel good.  Your heart's gonna hurt maybe even more than before in order for your wounds to heal.  But remember, Jesus has overflowing compassion for me and you.  Notice that for healing to be effective, we have to actively trust Him.  


I love the verse that portrays the essence of Jesus' compassion for me, His child even when I'm struggling to lean against Him in utter trust.  Though the mountains be removed, yet My unfailing Love for you will not be shaken!  Even though my world feels like its been turned upside down and a twister has come through and devastated my heart, still I can count on Jesus' unfailing, unfathomable love.  


I dare you -- come in your brokenness/weakness and join me in Jesus' healing, compassionate Presence.

"When I Cry"

When I Cry by Gaither Vocal Band

"Makin' a list of all of the good things you've done for me. Lord, I've never been one to complain. But, right now I'm lost, and I can't find my way. My world's come apart, and it's breakin' my heart. But it helps to know; that your heart is breaking too. When I cry, You cry. When I hurt, You hurt. When I've lost someone, it takes a piece of You too. And when I fall on my face, You fill me with grace. 'Cause nothing breaks Your heart, or tears You apart Like when I cry. Alone in the dark, face in my hands cryin' out to You. Lord, there's never been a time in my life, There's so much at stake, there's so much to lose. But I trust it to You. You'll bring me through. And it helps me to know that I'm not alone. When I cry, You cry. When I hurt, You hurt. When I've lost someone, it takes a piece of You too. And when I fall on my face, You fill me with grace. 'Cause nothing breaks Your heart, or tears You apart Like when I cry. You're the one who calmed the raging sea. You're the one who made the blind to see. You looked through all of heaven and eternity, And through it all you saw me. When I cry, You cry. When I hurt, You hurt. When I've lost someone, it takes a piece of You too. And when I fall on my face, You fill me with grace. Nothing breaks Your heart, or tears You apart Like when I cry." I just heard this song this morning and it was like salve to my slashed-up heart.  The thought that God does care when my heart is bleeding & my soul is weeping.   This grief thing, it's totally unpredictable. I'm never sure where on the spectrum I will be. About the time that I think I'm learning to be "okay" with the huge hole that my Dad left, the debilitating pain comes back and I feel like there's just no way to go on with life. Some days are just more bearable than others I guess. The valley of grief can sometimes be a murky, lonely darkness. Even though I know God is there with me, it's hard to remember that when the loss is so poignant. It's in times like this, that I wish I could literally crawl up on God's lap and feel Him holding His hurting, little girl close to His heart. This is where my faith becomes necessary - so that Satan can't persuade me that God could care less and has abandoned me in this dark valley. As someone reminded me the other week, God knows exactly what it's like to lose a dearly beloved to an awful death. And He knows what it feels like to watch a loved one suffer to death. I hadn't really thought about it that way before. The mind-boggling thing is though that God volunteered to allow His beloved Son to go through that. And His radical love for us unlovely sinners restrained Him from rushing in and reversing the whole painful plan of salvation. Thank You, God my Father, and Jesus, my Redeemer!

I've been thinking about faith a lot recently.  What is faith?  AW Tozer says that "faith is the gaze of a soul upon a saving God."  (if anyone's looking for a good read, I highly recommend The Pursuit of God by Tozer).   Faith is trusting Jesus enough to follow Him through the foggy darkness of my valley even though I can't see the ground I tread.

 I think faith is to our spiritual entity what breathing is to our physical bodies.  The Hebrews writer states that "without faith it is impossible to please God."  If I lack faith in God, I can strive my hardest to reach max performance in God's eyes, but it is impossible for me to please Him.  Human nature is to do our best to please the ones we love and respect.  Sometimes, I think it seems easier to please those who I can hear audible commendation from than to please God, who I can't hear audibly speak and tell me that He is pleased with me.  And yet, His Spirit within us conveys God's pleasure or displeasure to us as long as we are willing to stay tuned to that still small voice.  Perhaps it seems too simple that pleasing God is not about high performance; it's about unwavering belief in Him.

The theme of faith threads through the whole Redemption tapestry of God's Word to us.  What comes to mind when you think of faith in the Bible?  It always brings to my mind the "Faith Chapter" in Hebrews which mentions all the giants of faith in Scripture.   Romans 5:1-2 says, "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.  Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God"  To me, these verses  are also an indication of how important faith is to the child of God.  It is because of my faith in God that He declares me to be righteous in His eyes through my faith in His proffered salvation.  Notice in the verse 2 the mainstays that faith grants us:  peace with God, grace, and hope.    

How fares my faith?  It's been shaky at best and out of grasp at worse while in this journey through the dark valley.  Please join me in pray that each of us would strengthen our faith in Jesus and allow Him to guide us in the dark valleys of our lives.  After all, darkness and light are both the same to our Lord.  Unlike His terrified child, He's got 20/20 vision even in the thick, foggy darkness.

Galatians 2:20  "I have been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."

Good-byes

You may call me melancholy after reading the beginning of this post and perhaps by the end you will have labeled me long-winded and random.  Admittedly, all these evaluations host far too many truths in them, but hey this is a free world so proceed at your own risk...

To me it seems as though life is punctuated with far too many Goodbyes.  From the positive side of things - a painful goodbye means you have discovered and experienced love and close friendship.  There would be no pain of separation if this were not so.  Sometimes though I wonder if the pain of goodbye outweighs the pleasure of knowing you have experienced heart connection.

But then I realize to shut myself off from heart connection is to go against how I've been created.  God created me to be a dependent person.  How that goes against my "independent" spirit at first admission!  But read God's Word with open mind and you will soon be forced to admit that the reason we were created is for fellowship.

Perhaps that is why there are so many troubled people in this world.  We spend our waking hours dashing hither and yon on some preconceived have-to agenda while missing out on the true meaning of life.  Think about the times you consciously made the effort to smile at the person you pass in the grocery store aisle or the friendly wave you gave to a pedestrian.

 Nowadays with our hectic schedules and our harried existence, people do a double take when accosted with a person willing to connect at even the merest of levels by just making eye contact and smiling.  This attitude of "I'm too busy to show a person I'm human" is a far cry from the gab-fests on the local general store porch of by-gone days or the impromptu chat with the person in line with you at the store.

 Aren't God's people here on this earth to connect with others?  Perhaps our lack of connecting with others is an accurate gauge of our connection, or lack thereof, with our Heavenly Father.  I suppose I'm telling on myself by tossing out that speculation.

 For me though, it holds true.  The mornings that I start out feeling rushed and not having that minute or two upon waking to reflect on the mercies of my Heavenly Father, those are the days where people get under my skin.

As humans we don't like pain and so we cringe at the thought of soul intimacy because for true intimacy to happen, there needs to be a vulnerability at the very core of who we are.  And where love is, there is bound to be hurt at some level, sooner or later - perhaps at the necessity of saying goodbye.  And so we attempt to fool ourselves into believing the fallacy that we can be independent.  We need fellowship, folks.  And not just skin deep friendships but those friendships that go straight for the jugular.

First and foremost, we are created with a huge God-vacancy in our hearts.  And until we acknowledge that vacancy and fill our needy souls with the fellowship of our Creator and Father, we will spend our days as a lonely, hopeless drifter.  Relationships with others will never progress and will fall apart more than be patched up.  Without our abandonment in friendship with God, we cannot realize the depth of human fellowship for which we've been created and for which we long for.

I realize that by now you think I've journeyed down a twisted rabbit trail never to find my way back to my original thought. (welcome to my world) :)  However, what got me thinking down this line was the goodbyes that have punctuated my life of late.

On November 17 I said my final goodbye to my beloved dad.  That was the conclusion of 6 previous painful goodbyes while he lingered after life support was pulled, never knowing if I would be present for his final breath.  That is by far the most painful of goodbyes.  And with every goodbye, I would remember the flippant goodbye of my last phone conversation with him just hours before his accident that rendered him unconscious for the ensuing month.  Oh the myriad of things I would have told him/asked him if I would have known that would be my last two-sided conversation with my dad, my hero, my corner-post, if you will.  But after his last breath was drawn there was still the awful, deep-seated horror of saying goodbye to his earthly body and watching it descend into the cold dark grave.  The pain and grief of goodbye has never been so deep before.

On a different level, I recently said goodbye to a country that has stolen my heart - the day I left Haiti.  And I left some of my dearest friends behind.  I think perhaps the goodbyes were so much more poignant because of my recent reality check that we aren't guaranteed a reunion with our loved ones here on earth.  You never know which goodbye will be the last contact with your loved one here on earth.

In all of this lengthy blurb, I think what I am reaching for is this: Live your life in soul intimacy regardless of the pain that will most likely strike.  And please leave nothing unsaid that you wish for your loved ones to know.  Allow trusted friends into the very depths of your heart and soul.  I can attest that the light of love and friendship is at first very harsh in the deep, dark recesses of your heart where none have scuba-dived before.  But yet in that harshness and vulnerability, there permeates a certain comfort in the knowledge that you are loved at the very core of your being.

Most of all, though, I urge you to allow Your Savior, Your Lover, Jesus Christ, to enter into even those areas of your heart that you may not allow human presence.  Jesus will never grieve you with a debilitating hurt.  And best of all, there are no painful goodbyes with our Redeemer or our Creator Father because He dwells within each of His children forever.  No one or nothing can come between us and no one can pluck us out of His loving hands.

January 7, 2012

Bon jour from the land of Haiti - the land of poverty and heartbreak - the land of God's beauty rising from ashes of a ravaged country.  I and 4 of my friends landed in Haiti on Monday Jan 2nd.  For my friends it was the first time here, for me it was a joyous return to the people that have been tugging on my heartstrings since my first trip 2 years ago. 

My sister-friends who are missionaries at International Faith Missions in Fond Parisien picked us up at the airport.  It's been a great week, renewing friendships with the Haitians in Fond Parisien.  I spent 2 days working at the clinic pharmacy.  Yesterday we went to the Croix de Bouquet Market for material.  I'm having the greatest time seeing the wonder and sometimes, shock registering on the faces of my friends who are seeing the sights for the first time.  While pushing our way through the masses of humanity at market, I could sense God telling me to look at these people with His eyes and see His hopes and visions for the people living in a land of bondage to Satan.

This is a land of flamboyantly active spiritual warfare.  The thought is sobering - am I armored up for this exposure to Satan.  This week I've been doing a devotional on dependency on Jesus.  Jesus has selected us imperfect, sinful humans to work for Him and proclaim His praise and glory.  In our imperfection, we make a mess of everything but in our Jesus-dependence, it is no longer us trying, it's us getting ourselves out of the way and letting Jesus flow through us and work in us.  When we realize that we are not able to answer God's call on our own but that we need to rely on Jesus, that is when God has us right where He can use us.

If you're like me, sometimes you get so focused on your imperfections and your past failures.  At that point, God can no longer use us because our eyes have left Jesus' face.  Our focus needs to be on Jesus and His ability to use us.  Peter started sinking when he started looking around instead of at Jesus.  Satan's waiting for us to take our gaze off of Jesus so he can get us stuck in the mud of our past.

My challenge to myself and to you is - where is your focus?  Are you dependent on Jesus or are you trying to live out your calling in life on your own strength?  "But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light." 1 Peter 2:9