Controversy of God

I was paging through my journal and found this entry which was inspired by a Sunday morning sermon:

The Controversy of God 

Micah 6

The fact that the great God of the universe, the Most High and Holy One, comes down and pleads with us  boggles my mind. What does pleading entail?  It has two connotations, both of which pertain to the age-long relationship of God and His people.  On one hand, to plead is to earnestly appeal and implore, on the other hand, to plead is to argue or present a case in court.

God does both with His people.  I think right now we're more in the realm of His imploring us but the time is coming when He will take us to court and we will be defenseless before the Judge of the earth.  It's mind-blowing that He's even giving us a chance to voice our doubts and approach Him to talk.  Many times throughout Scripture, God gives us a very intimate look into His heart of hearts.  The way He lays bare His heart speaks much to me.  I don't lay bare my heart unless I am very close to a person and I am fully confident of their trustworthiness.  God reveals His heart and lays all out for us to see knowing full well that we are going to sneer and jeer at His tenderness and longing and stubbornly turn our backs on His pleading.

We can analyze the Israelites and point out all their shortcomings and wonder how they could reject God so many times after all He did for them.  We would do well to rather critique our own lives, our own track record.  Hasn't God done the ultimate for us?  We who were not His chosen people, the Jews, are now become His children and are given the permission to call Him, "Abba, Father" - the highest and most intimate endearment of the Jewish language. (Romans 8:14-17)  And this privilege is granted to us all because He loved us so much that He gave us the Ultimate Sacrifice - His only Son.  

Jesus begs us to come to Him when we are burdened and weary.  (Matthew 11:28)  He weeps over His people and laments over His longing to gather them under His wings as a hen with her chicks.  (Luke 13:34) God implores us through the words of His prophets before Jesus' time to return to Him and discover His goodness, mercy, and forgiveness.  (Isaiah 44:22)  The overshadowing theme of the entire Scriptures is God's longing for us to come to Him.  Arrogant creatures that we are, we constantly spar with God as though we have better answers for life.  Yet still God patiently beckons us to "Come".  He queries us, "What have I done to weary you?" (Micah 6:3) "Why do you turn away?"  

He doesn't write us off.  He never turns His back on us.  Instead, He turns His face on us to allow us to see His love, His longing, His pleading in His eyes.  Eyes that are brimming with compassion and hurt.  We would not purposely hurt our best friend.  And yet every time we have an errant streak or even a deviant thought, it's a personal affront to God.  We, the fragile creation, are capable of hurting our Creator, our Father, our Redeemer at the very core of His being.  He created us to be His and His alone.  We are not our own to do with as we please.  (I Corinthians 6:19-20)  No, we are His - our bodies, our minds, our souls, our passions, our longings, our desires, our secret ambitions, our very life - is His alone.

Do you dare to pray this prayer with me?

    

     Father God, I fall before You in repentance and sorrow for the many times I've willingly hurt You and spurned Your heart of longing for me.  My desire is to return Your love with all my heart and life but Father, it's so easy to become self-confident and self-serving.  Give me strength to continually fight down my sinful self.  Also Father, I long to grow in my enjoyment of You and my longing to spend time in Your Presence.  Teach me how to relax in Your loving Presence.  Abba, Father, I want to be Your little child, running to You for safety and help, climbing up on Your lap and allowing You to hold me while I face my fears and my hurts with You.  I want to please You with my life, my thoughts, my desires, and my worship simply because of Your astounding, overwhelming Love.  Thank You, Jesus for Your Love and Blood and for Your Mercy.

The Grim Reaper

My mind has been preoccupied with a subject that no one wants to be drawn back to again and again.  None of us like to face the Grim Reaper - Death.  We don't like to face the fact that at any time death might come claim us or worse yet, come and snatch away our loved ones.  Death is cruel, cold, heartless, irreversible, and unbiased with no respect for age.  Young and old alike are susceptible to death.  Death is not required to give us warning.  It comes whether or not you are ready for it.  Death comes for our loved ones even though there are still so many unspoken words and memories still waiting to be made, and even though there is so much advice and support still desired from the loved one taken.  Death has the ability to suck the life out of the ones left behind.  Death has a tenacious grip no matter how one begs and pleads and weeps for a reprieve of it's visitation.

Let me be clear before going any further with this post. I'm speaking from the perspective of a Christian and what death means for the Christian; I am not going to delve into the effects of death for the unbeliever. I believe God is present in our grief and in our experience with Death.  I believe God is in charge of calling us as Christians out of this world into His Eternal Presence and that as a Christian, death is not something we need to fear nor is it a hopeless finality - rather it is the opening of  a door into a much grander and more glorious life.  It is only the beginning of the beautiful life we all ache for and I believe we will once again be reunited with our loved ones.  But that knowledge does not erase the pain that death inflicts.  The knowledge that our loved ones are in a place far beyond our comprehension and are experiencing life at its best and fullest, this knowledge helps a tad bit in the face of the pain of separation.  But if I am honest (and I'm sure most of you would have to admit the same), I will admit that this knowledge pales to the point of nearly-forgettable existence when I am locked in the throes of grief and pain of separation that death has caused in my life.

Tragedy stops a person in their tracks.  Tragedy erases boundaries; differences are for the moment forgotten.  In the face of fatal tragedy, people come together regardless of whether or not they are acquainted.  Tragedy also draws our minds and hearts toward God, even those who hardly ever give God a nod of recognition in normal times.  The drawing of our minds toward God is not necessarily always with the proper response.  The tendency is within each of us to gravitate toward railing at God and blaming God for the pain that death/tragedy bring.  I'm telling on myself here.  Because of the sinful nature in us, it feels good to get angry with God.  In fact, we feel justified in being angry at God, because after all He's all powerful, He could have prevented this awful tragedy.  He could have spared my Dad from having a massive stroke.  Even if He allowed the stroke and the fall to happen, He could have worked a miracle.  I will admit my faith in Him was majorly depleted when He didn't come through for our family like I thought He should have.  Satan loves those moments, he takes advantage of our feeble faith and ravaged hearts.  Countless times he's gotten me to believe that if only I'd have prayed more, if only I would be more righteous and more fervent then as James says, my prayers would have been effectual.  Satan's favorite phraseology to throw at me has become "Psst, God doesn't care; God's not even remotely involved in your life neither does He love you enough to have compassion on you by allowing your Dad to live.  He's really just punishing you for not serving/loving Him with all your heart in times past" and on and on Satan goes.  It's hard to keep in focus the reality of who God is and what His heart is toward me when grief comes hounding my pain-ravaged heart in the darkness of the night.  That's where the comforts of Scriptures need to come alive which is difficult when my heart is clouded with grief.  But that is where God calls other people to come and minister to the grieving heart and their voice in the midst of the dark valley prompts my heart to accept the salve God is offering me.

The pain of separation overshadows every aspect of life.  At every turn, it seems something reminds me of my Dad.  When times are good and there's a cause for celebration, the celebration is tainted with the pangs of Dad not being present to celebrate with me.  When the going is rough, heavy sadness makes the going even rougher because my heart cries, "if only Dad were here to cheer me on, to encourage me in the battle, and diffuse the stress of the moment with his sound advice and positive outlook on life."  In the face of Death's cold, calculating visit, dark deep-seated grief threatens to consume me.  "Time brings healing" I am told...how fitting that the adage puts no limit on the amount of time that may elapse before healing and yet it seems that there is an unspoken rule among the human race for when those hurting and grieving should be healed.  Here me when I say that I have faith that healing does occur when journeying with the Master Healer who has come to apply balm to the hurting and to be a Father to the fatherless; but a physical wound this deep takes long to heal and even then leaves a tender scar and so it is with a heart wound.  I am thankful for those in my life who are willing to enter into my raw sadness and dark grief with me for however long it takes to journey through it and are willing to hurt with me in this.

Calling: Four Meanings

Calling: Four Meanings

click on the above link for some food for thought...am I in tune with God's calling in my life?

At long last I am back!  It's been a busy last couple weeks with hardly a spare moment between work and school.  Mulch has been selling like crazy this spring with all the early warm sunny weather we've had.  Many thoughts have been circling 'round in my head and heart -- I do believe it's time to start getting them out in concrete words instead of letting them remain phantom thoughts.  Meanwhile here's some pictures of a recent happening in the Martin realm.
One of our long-time customers and family friends, Wojton's Nursery gifted and planted a tree in memory of my Dad.  Mom's tree of choice was a weeping lacy leaf Japanese maple.  We are blessed by the Wojton family's generosity and their friendship.  Henry Jr and Rick came to do the honors on April 12.  We planted the tree in front of our porch hangout where Dad loved to snatch a few relaxing moments reading or chatting with friends and family.

Brokenness

I want to share a devotional that really spoke to me the other day.  Its from the devotional "Jesus Lives" by Sarah Young (& no that's not my pen name...) =).

     "Your weakness and brokenness draw Me ever so near you.  You can open up to Me 
     because I understand you perfectly.  My compassion for you is overflowing.  As you
     open yourself to My healing Presence, I fill you with Peace that transcends under-
     standing.  So stop trying to figure everything out.  Instead, lean on Me, letting your 
     head rest on My chest.  While you rest, I will be watching over you and all that 
     concerns you.
     Trust Me in the depths of your being, where I live in union with you.  My healing 
     work in you is most effective when you are actively trusting Me.  Though the 
     mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing Love for you will
     not be shaken.  This is the essence of My compassion for you:  No matter how
     desperate your circumstance, the one thing you can always count on is My unfailing
     Love."  (Isaiah 42:3; Philippians 4:6-7; Proverbs 3:5; Isaiah 54:10)


I don't know about you, but for me it's extremely hard to admit my weaknesses and to allow my brokenness to shine through.  I was challenged by the thought that it is precisely those two attitudes that draw Jesus very near to me.  If my heart is rebelling against my weakness and I'm desperately trying to hold the pieces together, I am in essence driving Jesus away.  


Opening myself to Jesus and His Healing Presence, means being vulnerable.  Before I can be okay with opening myself to Him, I have to first of all trust His heart of compassion toward me.  I struggle with leaning on my Jesus instead of wracking my brain trying to figure everything out.  Do you remember how when you would brush-burn your elbows or knees, how Mom would pull out the Peroxide and pour it on and oh how it burned?  My point is that Jesus' healing touch won't necessarily feel good.  Your heart's gonna hurt maybe even more than before in order for your wounds to heal.  But remember, Jesus has overflowing compassion for me and you.  Notice that for healing to be effective, we have to actively trust Him.  


I love the verse that portrays the essence of Jesus' compassion for me, His child even when I'm struggling to lean against Him in utter trust.  Though the mountains be removed, yet My unfailing Love for you will not be shaken!  Even though my world feels like its been turned upside down and a twister has come through and devastated my heart, still I can count on Jesus' unfailing, unfathomable love.  


I dare you -- come in your brokenness/weakness and join me in Jesus' healing, compassionate Presence.

"When I Cry"

When I Cry by Gaither Vocal Band

"Makin' a list of all of the good things you've done for me. Lord, I've never been one to complain. But, right now I'm lost, and I can't find my way. My world's come apart, and it's breakin' my heart. But it helps to know; that your heart is breaking too. When I cry, You cry. When I hurt, You hurt. When I've lost someone, it takes a piece of You too. And when I fall on my face, You fill me with grace. 'Cause nothing breaks Your heart, or tears You apart Like when I cry. Alone in the dark, face in my hands cryin' out to You. Lord, there's never been a time in my life, There's so much at stake, there's so much to lose. But I trust it to You. You'll bring me through. And it helps me to know that I'm not alone. When I cry, You cry. When I hurt, You hurt. When I've lost someone, it takes a piece of You too. And when I fall on my face, You fill me with grace. 'Cause nothing breaks Your heart, or tears You apart Like when I cry. You're the one who calmed the raging sea. You're the one who made the blind to see. You looked through all of heaven and eternity, And through it all you saw me. When I cry, You cry. When I hurt, You hurt. When I've lost someone, it takes a piece of You too. And when I fall on my face, You fill me with grace. Nothing breaks Your heart, or tears You apart Like when I cry." I just heard this song this morning and it was like salve to my slashed-up heart.  The thought that God does care when my heart is bleeding & my soul is weeping.   This grief thing, it's totally unpredictable. I'm never sure where on the spectrum I will be. About the time that I think I'm learning to be "okay" with the huge hole that my Dad left, the debilitating pain comes back and I feel like there's just no way to go on with life. Some days are just more bearable than others I guess. The valley of grief can sometimes be a murky, lonely darkness. Even though I know God is there with me, it's hard to remember that when the loss is so poignant. It's in times like this, that I wish I could literally crawl up on God's lap and feel Him holding His hurting, little girl close to His heart. This is where my faith becomes necessary - so that Satan can't persuade me that God could care less and has abandoned me in this dark valley. As someone reminded me the other week, God knows exactly what it's like to lose a dearly beloved to an awful death. And He knows what it feels like to watch a loved one suffer to death. I hadn't really thought about it that way before. The mind-boggling thing is though that God volunteered to allow His beloved Son to go through that. And His radical love for us unlovely sinners restrained Him from rushing in and reversing the whole painful plan of salvation. Thank You, God my Father, and Jesus, my Redeemer!

I've been thinking about faith a lot recently.  What is faith?  AW Tozer says that "faith is the gaze of a soul upon a saving God."  (if anyone's looking for a good read, I highly recommend The Pursuit of God by Tozer).   Faith is trusting Jesus enough to follow Him through the foggy darkness of my valley even though I can't see the ground I tread.

 I think faith is to our spiritual entity what breathing is to our physical bodies.  The Hebrews writer states that "without faith it is impossible to please God."  If I lack faith in God, I can strive my hardest to reach max performance in God's eyes, but it is impossible for me to please Him.  Human nature is to do our best to please the ones we love and respect.  Sometimes, I think it seems easier to please those who I can hear audible commendation from than to please God, who I can't hear audibly speak and tell me that He is pleased with me.  And yet, His Spirit within us conveys God's pleasure or displeasure to us as long as we are willing to stay tuned to that still small voice.  Perhaps it seems too simple that pleasing God is not about high performance; it's about unwavering belief in Him.

The theme of faith threads through the whole Redemption tapestry of God's Word to us.  What comes to mind when you think of faith in the Bible?  It always brings to my mind the "Faith Chapter" in Hebrews which mentions all the giants of faith in Scripture.   Romans 5:1-2 says, "Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ.  Through him we have also obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in hope of the glory of God"  To me, these verses  are also an indication of how important faith is to the child of God.  It is because of my faith in God that He declares me to be righteous in His eyes through my faith in His proffered salvation.  Notice in the verse 2 the mainstays that faith grants us:  peace with God, grace, and hope.    

How fares my faith?  It's been shaky at best and out of grasp at worse while in this journey through the dark valley.  Please join me in pray that each of us would strengthen our faith in Jesus and allow Him to guide us in the dark valleys of our lives.  After all, darkness and light are both the same to our Lord.  Unlike His terrified child, He's got 20/20 vision even in the thick, foggy darkness.

Galatians 2:20  "I have been crucified with Christ.  It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.  And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."