I want to share a devotional that really spoke to me the other day. Its from the devotional "Jesus Lives" by Sarah Young (& no that's not my pen name...) =).
"Your weakness and brokenness draw Me ever so near you. You can open up to Me
because I understand you perfectly. My compassion for you is overflowing. As you
open yourself to My healing Presence, I fill you with Peace that transcends under-
standing. So stop trying to figure everything out. Instead, lean on Me, letting your
head rest on My chest. While you rest, I will be watching over you and all that
concerns you.
Trust Me in the depths of your being, where I live in union with you. My healing
work in you is most effective when you are actively trusting Me. Though the
mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet My unfailing Love for you will
not be shaken. This is the essence of My compassion for you: No matter how
desperate your circumstance, the one thing you can always count on is My unfailing
Love." (Isaiah 42:3; Philippians 4:6-7; Proverbs 3:5; Isaiah 54:10)
I don't know about you, but for me it's extremely hard to admit my weaknesses and to allow my brokenness to shine through. I was challenged by the thought that it is precisely those two attitudes that draw Jesus very near to me. If my heart is rebelling against my weakness and I'm desperately trying to hold the pieces together, I am in essence driving Jesus away.
Opening myself to Jesus and His Healing Presence, means being vulnerable. Before I can be okay with opening myself to Him, I have to first of all trust His heart of compassion toward me. I struggle with leaning on my Jesus instead of wracking my brain trying to figure everything out. Do you remember how when you would brush-burn your elbows or knees, how Mom would pull out the Peroxide and pour it on and oh how it burned? My point is that Jesus' healing touch won't necessarily feel good. Your heart's gonna hurt maybe even more than before in order for your wounds to heal. But remember, Jesus has overflowing compassion for me and you. Notice that for healing to be effective, we have to actively trust Him.
I love the verse that portrays the essence of Jesus' compassion for me, His child even when I'm struggling to lean against Him in utter trust. Though the mountains be removed, yet My unfailing Love for you will not be shaken! Even though my world feels like its been turned upside down and a twister has come through and devastated my heart, still I can count on Jesus' unfailing, unfathomable love.
I dare you -- come in your brokenness/weakness and join me in Jesus' healing, compassionate Presence.
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Thursday, February 23, 2012
"When I Cry"
When I Cry by Gaither Vocal Band
"Makin' a list of all of the good things you've done for me.
Lord, I've never been one to complain.
But, right now I'm lost, and I can't find my way.
My world's come apart, and it's breakin' my heart.
But it helps to know; that your heart is breaking too.
When I cry, You cry. When I hurt, You hurt.
When I've lost someone, it takes a piece of You too.
And when I fall on my face, You fill me with grace.
'Cause nothing breaks Your heart, or tears You apart
Like when I cry.
Alone in the dark, face in my hands cryin' out to You.
Lord, there's never been a time in my life,
There's so much at stake, there's so much to lose.
But I trust it to You. You'll bring me through.
And it helps me to know that I'm not alone.
When I cry, You cry. When I hurt, You hurt.
When I've lost someone, it takes a piece of You too.
And when I fall on my face, You fill me with grace.
'Cause nothing breaks Your heart, or tears You apart
Like when I cry.
You're the one who calmed the raging sea.
You're the one who made the blind to see.
You looked through all of heaven and eternity,
And through it all you saw me.
When I cry, You cry. When I hurt, You hurt.
When I've lost someone, it takes a piece of You too.
And when I fall on my face, You fill me with grace.
Nothing breaks Your heart, or tears You apart
Like when I cry."
I just heard this song this morning and it was like salve to my slashed-up heart.
The thought that God does care when my heart is bleeding & my soul is weeping.
This grief thing, it's totally unpredictable. I'm never sure where on the spectrum
I will be. About the time that I think I'm learning to be "okay" with the huge hole that my Dad left, the debilitating pain comes back and I feel like there's just
no way to go on with life. Some days are just more bearable than others I guess.
The valley of grief can sometimes be a murky, lonely darkness. Even though I
know God is there with me, it's hard to remember that when the loss is so
poignant. It's in times like this, that I wish I could literally crawl up on God's
lap and feel Him holding His hurting, little girl close to His heart. This is where
my faith becomes necessary - so that Satan can't persuade me that God could
care less and has abandoned me in this dark valley.
As someone reminded me the other week, God knows exactly what it's like to
lose a dearly beloved to an awful death. And He knows what it feels like to
watch a loved one suffer to death. I hadn't really thought about it that way
before. The mind-boggling thing is though that God volunteered to allow
His beloved Son to go through that. And His radical love for us unlovely
sinners restrained Him from rushing in and reversing the whole painful plan of
salvation. Thank You, God my Father, and Jesus, my Redeemer!
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Friday, February 10, 2012
I've been thinking about faith a lot recently. What is faith? AW Tozer says that "faith is the gaze of
a soul upon a saving God." (if
anyone's looking for a good read, I highly recommend The Pursuit of God by Tozer). Faith is trusting Jesus enough to follow Him
through the foggy darkness of my valley even though I can't see the ground I
tread.
I think faith is to
our spiritual entity what breathing is to our physical bodies. The Hebrews writer states that "without
faith it is impossible to please God."
If I lack faith in God, I can strive my hardest to reach max performance
in God's eyes, but it is impossible for me to please Him. Human nature is
to do our best to please the ones we love and respect. Sometimes, I think it seems easier to please
those who I can hear audible commendation from than to please God, who I can't
hear audibly speak and tell me that He is pleased with me. And yet, His Spirit within us conveys God's
pleasure or displeasure to us as long as we are willing to stay tuned to that
still small voice. Perhaps it seems too
simple that pleasing God is not about high performance; it's about unwavering
belief in Him.
The theme of faith threads through the whole Redemption
tapestry of God's Word to us. What comes
to mind when you think of faith in the Bible?
It always brings to my mind the "Faith Chapter" in Hebrews
which mentions all the giants of faith in Scripture. Romans 5:1-2 says, "Therefore, since we
have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus
Christ. Through him we have also
obtained access by faith into this grace in which we stand, and we rejoice in
hope of the glory of God" To me,
these verses are also an indication of
how important faith is to the child of God.
It is because of my faith in God that He declares me to be righteous in
His eyes through my faith in His proffered salvation. Notice in the verse 2 the mainstays that
faith grants us: peace with God, grace,
and hope.
How fares my faith?
It's been shaky at best and out of grasp at worse while in this journey
through the dark valley. Please join me
in pray that each of us would strengthen our faith in Jesus and allow Him to
guide us in the dark valleys of our lives.
After all, darkness and light are both the same to our Lord. Unlike His terrified child, He's got 20/20
vision even in the thick, foggy darkness.
Galatians 2:20
"I have been crucified with Christ.
It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live
by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
Sunday, January 22, 2012
Good-byes
You may call me melancholy after reading the beginning of this post and perhaps by the end you will have labeled me long-winded and random. Admittedly, all these evaluations host far too many truths in them, but hey this is a free world so proceed at your own risk...
To me it seems as though life is punctuated with far too many Goodbyes. From the positive side of things - a painful goodbye means you have discovered and experienced love and close friendship. There would be no pain of separation if this were not so. Sometimes though I wonder if the pain of goodbye outweighs the pleasure of knowing you have experienced heart connection.
But then I realize to shut myself off from heart connection is to go against how I've been created. God created me to be a dependent person. How that goes against my "independent" spirit at first admission! But read God's Word with open mind and you will soon be forced to admit that the reason we were created is for fellowship.
Perhaps that is why there are so many troubled people in this world. We spend our waking hours dashing hither and yon on some preconceived have-to agenda while missing out on the true meaning of life. Think about the times you consciously made the effort to smile at the person you pass in the grocery store aisle or the friendly wave you gave to a pedestrian.
Nowadays with our hectic schedules and our harried existence, people do a double take when accosted with a person willing to connect at even the merest of levels by just making eye contact and smiling. This attitude of "I'm too busy to show a person I'm human" is a far cry from the gab-fests on the local general store porch of by-gone days or the impromptu chat with the person in line with you at the store.
Aren't God's people here on this earth to connect with others? Perhaps our lack of connecting with others is an accurate gauge of our connection, or lack thereof, with our Heavenly Father. I suppose I'm telling on myself by tossing out that speculation.
For me though, it holds true. The mornings that I start out feeling rushed and not having that minute or two upon waking to reflect on the mercies of my Heavenly Father, those are the days where people get under my skin.
As humans we don't like pain and so we cringe at the thought of soul intimacy because for true intimacy to happen, there needs to be a vulnerability at the very core of who we are. And where love is, there is bound to be hurt at some level, sooner or later - perhaps at the necessity of saying goodbye. And so we attempt to fool ourselves into believing the fallacy that we can be independent. We need fellowship, folks. And not just skin deep friendships but those friendships that go straight for the jugular.
First and foremost, we are created with a huge God-vacancy in our hearts. And until we acknowledge that vacancy and fill our needy souls with the fellowship of our Creator and Father, we will spend our days as a lonely, hopeless drifter. Relationships with others will never progress and will fall apart more than be patched up. Without our abandonment in friendship with God, we cannot realize the depth of human fellowship for which we've been created and for which we long for.
I realize that by now you think I've journeyed down a twisted rabbit trail never to find my way back to my original thought. (welcome to my world) :) However, what got me thinking down this line was the goodbyes that have punctuated my life of late.
On November 17 I said my final goodbye to my beloved dad. That was the conclusion of 6 previous painful goodbyes while he lingered after life support was pulled, never knowing if I would be present for his final breath. That is by far the most painful of goodbyes. And with every goodbye, I would remember the flippant goodbye of my last phone conversation with him just hours before his accident that rendered him unconscious for the ensuing month. Oh the myriad of things I would have told him/asked him if I would have known that would be my last two-sided conversation with my dad, my hero, my corner-post, if you will. But after his last breath was drawn there was still the awful, deep-seated horror of saying goodbye to his earthly body and watching it descend into the cold dark grave. The pain and grief of goodbye has never been so deep before.
On a different level, I recently said goodbye to a country that has stolen my heart - the day I left Haiti. And I left some of my dearest friends behind. I think perhaps the goodbyes were so much more poignant because of my recent reality check that we aren't guaranteed a reunion with our loved ones here on earth. You never know which goodbye will be the last contact with your loved one here on earth.
In all of this lengthy blurb, I think what I am reaching for is this: Live your life in soul intimacy regardless of the pain that will most likely strike. And please leave nothing unsaid that you wish for your loved ones to know. Allow trusted friends into the very depths of your heart and soul. I can attest that the light of love and friendship is at first very harsh in the deep, dark recesses of your heart where none have scuba-dived before. But yet in that harshness and vulnerability, there permeates a certain comfort in the knowledge that you are loved at the very core of your being.
Most of all, though, I urge you to allow Your Savior, Your Lover, Jesus Christ, to enter into even those areas of your heart that you may not allow human presence. Jesus will never grieve you with a debilitating hurt. And best of all, there are no painful goodbyes with our Redeemer or our Creator Father because He dwells within each of His children forever. No one or nothing can come between us and no one can pluck us out of His loving hands.
To me it seems as though life is punctuated with far too many Goodbyes. From the positive side of things - a painful goodbye means you have discovered and experienced love and close friendship. There would be no pain of separation if this were not so. Sometimes though I wonder if the pain of goodbye outweighs the pleasure of knowing you have experienced heart connection.
But then I realize to shut myself off from heart connection is to go against how I've been created. God created me to be a dependent person. How that goes against my "independent" spirit at first admission! But read God's Word with open mind and you will soon be forced to admit that the reason we were created is for fellowship.
Perhaps that is why there are so many troubled people in this world. We spend our waking hours dashing hither and yon on some preconceived have-to agenda while missing out on the true meaning of life. Think about the times you consciously made the effort to smile at the person you pass in the grocery store aisle or the friendly wave you gave to a pedestrian.
Nowadays with our hectic schedules and our harried existence, people do a double take when accosted with a person willing to connect at even the merest of levels by just making eye contact and smiling. This attitude of "I'm too busy to show a person I'm human" is a far cry from the gab-fests on the local general store porch of by-gone days or the impromptu chat with the person in line with you at the store.
Aren't God's people here on this earth to connect with others? Perhaps our lack of connecting with others is an accurate gauge of our connection, or lack thereof, with our Heavenly Father. I suppose I'm telling on myself by tossing out that speculation.
For me though, it holds true. The mornings that I start out feeling rushed and not having that minute or two upon waking to reflect on the mercies of my Heavenly Father, those are the days where people get under my skin.
As humans we don't like pain and so we cringe at the thought of soul intimacy because for true intimacy to happen, there needs to be a vulnerability at the very core of who we are. And where love is, there is bound to be hurt at some level, sooner or later - perhaps at the necessity of saying goodbye. And so we attempt to fool ourselves into believing the fallacy that we can be independent. We need fellowship, folks. And not just skin deep friendships but those friendships that go straight for the jugular.
First and foremost, we are created with a huge God-vacancy in our hearts. And until we acknowledge that vacancy and fill our needy souls with the fellowship of our Creator and Father, we will spend our days as a lonely, hopeless drifter. Relationships with others will never progress and will fall apart more than be patched up. Without our abandonment in friendship with God, we cannot realize the depth of human fellowship for which we've been created and for which we long for.
I realize that by now you think I've journeyed down a twisted rabbit trail never to find my way back to my original thought. (welcome to my world) :) However, what got me thinking down this line was the goodbyes that have punctuated my life of late.
On November 17 I said my final goodbye to my beloved dad. That was the conclusion of 6 previous painful goodbyes while he lingered after life support was pulled, never knowing if I would be present for his final breath. That is by far the most painful of goodbyes. And with every goodbye, I would remember the flippant goodbye of my last phone conversation with him just hours before his accident that rendered him unconscious for the ensuing month. Oh the myriad of things I would have told him/asked him if I would have known that would be my last two-sided conversation with my dad, my hero, my corner-post, if you will. But after his last breath was drawn there was still the awful, deep-seated horror of saying goodbye to his earthly body and watching it descend into the cold dark grave. The pain and grief of goodbye has never been so deep before.
On a different level, I recently said goodbye to a country that has stolen my heart - the day I left Haiti. And I left some of my dearest friends behind. I think perhaps the goodbyes were so much more poignant because of my recent reality check that we aren't guaranteed a reunion with our loved ones here on earth. You never know which goodbye will be the last contact with your loved one here on earth.
In all of this lengthy blurb, I think what I am reaching for is this: Live your life in soul intimacy regardless of the pain that will most likely strike. And please leave nothing unsaid that you wish for your loved ones to know. Allow trusted friends into the very depths of your heart and soul. I can attest that the light of love and friendship is at first very harsh in the deep, dark recesses of your heart where none have scuba-dived before. But yet in that harshness and vulnerability, there permeates a certain comfort in the knowledge that you are loved at the very core of your being.
Most of all, though, I urge you to allow Your Savior, Your Lover, Jesus Christ, to enter into even those areas of your heart that you may not allow human presence. Jesus will never grieve you with a debilitating hurt. And best of all, there are no painful goodbyes with our Redeemer or our Creator Father because He dwells within each of His children forever. No one or nothing can come between us and no one can pluck us out of His loving hands.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
January 7, 2012
Bon jour from the land of Haiti - the land of poverty and heartbreak - the land of God's beauty rising from ashes of a ravaged country. I and 4 of my friends landed in Haiti on Monday Jan 2nd. For my friends it was the first time here, for me it was a joyous return to the people that have been tugging on my heartstrings since my first trip 2 years ago.
My sister-friends who are missionaries at International Faith Missions in Fond Parisien picked us up at the airport. It's been a great week, renewing friendships with the Haitians in Fond Parisien. I spent 2 days working at the clinic pharmacy. Yesterday we went to the Croix de Bouquet Market for material. I'm having the greatest time seeing the wonder and sometimes, shock registering on the faces of my friends who are seeing the sights for the first time. While pushing our way through the masses of humanity at market, I could sense God telling me to look at these people with His eyes and see His hopes and visions for the people living in a land of bondage to Satan.
This is a land of flamboyantly active spiritual warfare. The thought is sobering - am I armored up for this exposure to Satan. This week I've been doing a devotional on dependency on Jesus. Jesus has selected us imperfect, sinful humans to work for Him and proclaim His praise and glory. In our imperfection, we make a mess of everything but in our Jesus-dependence, it is no longer us trying, it's us getting ourselves out of the way and letting Jesus flow through us and work in us. When we realize that we are not able to answer God's call on our own but that we need to rely on Jesus, that is when God has us right where He can use us.
If you're like me, sometimes you get so focused on your imperfections and your past failures. At that point, God can no longer use us because our eyes have left Jesus' face. Our focus needs to be on Jesus and His ability to use us. Peter started sinking when he started looking around instead of at Jesus. Satan's waiting for us to take our gaze off of Jesus so he can get us stuck in the mud of our past.
My challenge to myself and to you is - where is your focus? Are you dependent on Jesus or are you trying to live out your calling in life on your own strength? "But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light." 1 Peter 2:9
My sister-friends who are missionaries at International Faith Missions in Fond Parisien picked us up at the airport. It's been a great week, renewing friendships with the Haitians in Fond Parisien. I spent 2 days working at the clinic pharmacy. Yesterday we went to the Croix de Bouquet Market for material. I'm having the greatest time seeing the wonder and sometimes, shock registering on the faces of my friends who are seeing the sights for the first time. While pushing our way through the masses of humanity at market, I could sense God telling me to look at these people with His eyes and see His hopes and visions for the people living in a land of bondage to Satan.
This is a land of flamboyantly active spiritual warfare. The thought is sobering - am I armored up for this exposure to Satan. This week I've been doing a devotional on dependency on Jesus. Jesus has selected us imperfect, sinful humans to work for Him and proclaim His praise and glory. In our imperfection, we make a mess of everything but in our Jesus-dependence, it is no longer us trying, it's us getting ourselves out of the way and letting Jesus flow through us and work in us. When we realize that we are not able to answer God's call on our own but that we need to rely on Jesus, that is when God has us right where He can use us.
If you're like me, sometimes you get so focused on your imperfections and your past failures. At that point, God can no longer use us because our eyes have left Jesus' face. Our focus needs to be on Jesus and His ability to use us. Peter started sinking when he started looking around instead of at Jesus. Satan's waiting for us to take our gaze off of Jesus so he can get us stuck in the mud of our past.
My challenge to myself and to you is - where is your focus? Are you dependent on Jesus or are you trying to live out your calling in life on your own strength? "But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light." 1 Peter 2:9
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Dec 28 2011
And here begins a new adventure for me - my attempts to write about my life experiences and the many thoughts that rattle around in my brain and their effect on my heart and life.
With the year drawing to a close, I have been ruminating on the events of the past year and how they've shaken me to my core and brought me to a point where I had to choose whether I was going trust God completely or lose my faith in Him.
My Dad had a tree trimming accident the end of October and after many weeks of emotional ups and downs and numerous uncertainties, he passed away on November 17. That month was the worst month of my life and releasing him into God's hands was the toughest battle I've had in my Christian life. He left behind a huge hole in my heart and his presence is sorely missed daily. The journey of the loss of a loved one is long, hard, and oft-times dark but with the help of God and others I am determined to walk towards the light.
Someone has said, "Joy is not the absence of Sorrow but Joy is the Presence of Christ in your Sorrow."
Jesus, the Man of Sorrows, longs for us to have a child-like trust in Him and take all of our hurts to Him. He wants to bear them for us. It's not going to erase our grief, it's going to lighten the intense load of grief if we share it with Him. Let Him walk beside you and bear the brunt of the load. It will ease your sorrow to the point where you will feel like facing the pressures of the day.
There are two reactions to grief - soft heart or hard heart. The last couple weeks I've tried taking the hard heart approach: bar your heart from the love of God and the love of others in a vain attempt to protect your already battered heart; cram your tears back into a pressure-sealed jar and refuse to admit your emotions to yourself much less to God; allow the pain to fuel you with anger and drive your existence with bitterness. I'm telling you folks, it isn't worth it. It only succeeds in making you more bitter and utterly miserable in your own little barricaded fort.
Jesus hand-delivers the package of Love from God and stands at the fort entrance patiently knocking. I urge you don't wait to invite Him in. Yes, cataloging your pain and emotions with Jesus is like scraping the scab off of your fresh wound but the difference is you're no longer trying to deal with it on your own - you now have the Master Healer with you gently applying balm on your lacerated heart.
Having a soft heart amidst your grief means being open to other's encouragements and guidance and being willing to allow your emotions to glide down your cheeks in rivers of hurt and grief. Perhaps those walking with you on your journey have never been there personally so they don't know what they're talking about sometimes but be forbearing and allow them to walk with you through the valley instead of shoving them away. Shoving away the people who care about you leads to shoving Jesus away.
Jesus says, "I have come to bind up the brokenhearted."
In Job 5:18 we are reminded that God wounds but He binds up; He shatters but His hands heal.
There is hope for your grief-laden heart but it is a journey and you need to stick with Jesus and hang tight to His hand because the way is going to be dark and rocky and slippery at times. There is no time limit on reaching the other side of the valley of grief - as long as you are inviting Jesus to walk with you through it all, He will bring healing.
Someone has said, "Joy is not the absence of Sorrow but Joy is the Presence of Christ in your Sorrow."
Jesus, the Man of Sorrows, longs for us to have a child-like trust in Him and take all of our hurts to Him. He wants to bear them for us. It's not going to erase our grief, it's going to lighten the intense load of grief if we share it with Him. Let Him walk beside you and bear the brunt of the load. It will ease your sorrow to the point where you will feel like facing the pressures of the day.
There are two reactions to grief - soft heart or hard heart. The last couple weeks I've tried taking the hard heart approach: bar your heart from the love of God and the love of others in a vain attempt to protect your already battered heart; cram your tears back into a pressure-sealed jar and refuse to admit your emotions to yourself much less to God; allow the pain to fuel you with anger and drive your existence with bitterness. I'm telling you folks, it isn't worth it. It only succeeds in making you more bitter and utterly miserable in your own little barricaded fort.
Jesus hand-delivers the package of Love from God and stands at the fort entrance patiently knocking. I urge you don't wait to invite Him in. Yes, cataloging your pain and emotions with Jesus is like scraping the scab off of your fresh wound but the difference is you're no longer trying to deal with it on your own - you now have the Master Healer with you gently applying balm on your lacerated heart.
Having a soft heart amidst your grief means being open to other's encouragements and guidance and being willing to allow your emotions to glide down your cheeks in rivers of hurt and grief. Perhaps those walking with you on your journey have never been there personally so they don't know what they're talking about sometimes but be forbearing and allow them to walk with you through the valley instead of shoving them away. Shoving away the people who care about you leads to shoving Jesus away.
Jesus says, "I have come to bind up the brokenhearted."
In Job 5:18 we are reminded that God wounds but He binds up; He shatters but His hands heal.
There is hope for your grief-laden heart but it is a journey and you need to stick with Jesus and hang tight to His hand because the way is going to be dark and rocky and slippery at times. There is no time limit on reaching the other side of the valley of grief - as long as you are inviting Jesus to walk with you through it all, He will bring healing.
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