Top O' the Mornin' to Y'all

I'm loving these gorgeous mornings God's been sending our way!  Now those of you who know me well, know that this gal is not what you call an appreciative human being in the mornings.  But this kind of morning is one that makes me glad to be alive, and that's even before my first cup of coffee!  Now that folks is a miracle of God - the fact that I'm loving the morning before I've even had my coffee.  So if you've been having doubts recently that God is capable of working miracles, He's doing one right here in me (and not only in adjusting my morning state of mind, He's doing much more awesomeness in my life, just sayin'...)

These mornings remind me that I have a fresh dose of God's grace for the day. Grace for the stress that's bound to make me tense, grace for the overwhelming demands of studying, grace for the times that I want to react in anger, grace for the temptations that come my way.  And the list could go on.  It's amazing how quickly I can go from standing out in the fresh morning air with this calming gratitude and worshiping in God's overflowing Presence to an uptight, stressed-out, ungrateful, frustrated grouch.  My human-ness is what brings me back again and again to God's grace, His loving mercy.

The verses that God's been bringing into my consciousness many times in the last week are Lamentations 3:21-26

            "Yet will I still dare to hope when I remember this:
             The unfailing love of the Lord never ends!  By his mercies we have been 
             kept from complete destruction.  
             Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each day.
             I say to myself, "The Lord is my inheritance; therefore, I will hope 
             in him!"
             The Lord is wonderfully good to those who wait quietly for salvation 
             from the Lord.
             So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord." 

If you read the previous chapters, you'll find that Jeremiah was overcome with grief and lament.  But yet I love how he switches his tune and says "Yet will I still dare to hope when I remember" that the Lord is so merciful and great in his faithfulness.  I don't know about you but when I'm grieving and hurting, I struggle to "dare to hope".  You with me sister?  It's hard to turn to our Father and hand Him our hurts and tell Him that we're hoping in Him.  Even if He doesn't magically make our wounds all better right in the here and now.  Even if He leads us into more pain, even if we don't feel Him with us in our grief. 

Who's willing to bite the bit and join me in this journey of daring to hope in our Father and His unfailing love and faithfulness?

Top of the mornin' to y'all!  And may you be filled with many cups of coffee in the days to come!

Just a little note: I wrote this in the afternoon/evening - my most coherent time of day. In case you were wondering how I managed to string coherent words together right away in the morning. But in my defense...I did start this in the morning hours. Cheers!         

Wild Child No More

You know the story of the demon-possessed man that lived wild until Jesus cast his demons into a herd of pigs?  Some things in that story stood out to me the other day when I was reading. 

Just a quick run down refresher of the story.  (If you'd like to read it for yourself, it's found in Mark 5.) In the land of the Gerasenes there was this man who lived among the tombs screaming and hitting himself with stones.  He couldn't be restrained with chains and shackles, no one could control him. Jesus docks at the shore and this wild man comes racing to fall at his feet and the demons began shrieking.  They knew their time was limited I guess.  These spirits begged to be cast into the pigs nearby instead of into a distant place.  Don't you find it intriguing that the demons who were embodied in ONE man sent a herd of TWO THOUSAND pigs into the lake.  By the time the people came rushing out of the city, this wild man was calmly sitting with Jesus, completely sane. The people of the land of the Gerasenes were afraid when they saw this wild man turned sane and they begged Jesus to leave immediately.  Jesus got back into the boat and the wild man turned sane begged to go along with him.  But Jesus told him "No, you go tell your friends what wonderful things the Lord has done for you and how merciful He has been."

Do you think this guy even had friends?  It appears to me that everyone was freaked out of their skin over this guy.  Why do you think Jesus told him to go tell his friends?  The other thing that stood out to me was the fact that even though he begged to stay in Jesus' company, Jesus denied him that request.  Why?  Isn't it a good thing to want to stay in Jesus' presence?  Does God push a person out of the nest like that?  I mean you'd think that this guy was that much of a newbie that it would have been better for him to stay with Jesus right?  How many times do I laze around in God's presence soothing my conscience that I'm doing what's good when really He's pushing me to get out there and tell my friends how merciful my Jesus has been to me?

What about the things that Jesus wants to cast out of me?  Do I beg Him to let them stay nearby in the herd of pigs rather than being cast to a distant place?  I love how He says "sure" and promptly sends them into the lake when all along I thought I was gonna get to have them hanging around on the hillside nearby me.  

The other thing I had to think about is the people's response to the change in this man.  The change itself - when Jesus gets a-hold of me is my change noticeable enough to scare people?  Or do I come across as the same person as I was before Jesus invaded my life?

I don't know about you but I want people to know that Jesus has changed me from a wild child into a sane person who scares people by the change that Jesus has accomplished in me.

The Inevitableness in Life

I love fortune cookies.  You know, Chinese proverbs and all.  Okay fine, I may as well admit that I love Chinese food and the fortune cookies are just something that comes with it.  A couple years ago, my fortune cookie told me that "Change is inevitable except for vending machines."  I had this little saying taped on my desk for a long time till finally I got tired of it's mockery.  I HATE change.  Strong statement, yes, but so true.

John C. Maxwell goes deeper with that.  He says, "Change is inevitable.  Growth is optional."  I've got that down pat.  That is if growth is equivalent to wanting to pull the covers up over your head and tune the pending changes out.    What does growth look like?  Growth is acceptance.  Trust.  Faith.  Continuance.   For me the hardest part is to accept the change and trust that God's got this all figured out already.  Change is not something I can stop.  It's going to happen. Change is scary.  Unsettling.  Uncertainty.  Uncontrollable.

I've had some major changes.  My dad, not here with us anymore.  An extreme change that seems to have started a domino effect of changes.  Changes in the business.  Changes in the dynamics of the family.  Nursing school is another major change in my life.  Some days I get all jelly-kneed just thinking about this huge change.  All I've ever known is my family business of mulch making.  It looks huge to jump from that life into a totally unknown field that couldn't be further from mulch making.  To change one's career is, I think, one of the most unsettling changes.  The questions snowball.  What if....I can't find a job; what if...I fail miserably in school; what if...I make a mistake - this is someone's life in my hands.  There's nothing more sobering than that.  A mistake in the mulch world wasn't a life or death matter.  A mistake in the nursing world could easy be a life or death matter.  What if....and on and on I could go with all the uncertainties.

There's times, I will admit, that I fervently wish that I wouldn't feel so called to this field.  God's got a habit of calling us out of our comfort zones though.  I can't deny the fact that God has called me to this.  Otherwise I would have chickened out a long time ago.  God gives me promises though that He equips me for what He calls me to.  

Hebrews 13:20-21 (ESV)  And now, may the God of peace, who brought again from the dead our Lord Jesus, equip you with all you need for doing his will.  May he produce in you, through the power of Jesus Christ, all that is pleasing to him. 

Isaiah 45:5 (ESV)  I am the Lord and there is no other, besides me there is no God; I equip you, though you do not know me.  Yes, I know God but sometimes I act as though I don't know the fullness of who He is and the impact of His power in my life.

I've applied for a part-time job as nurse aide at our local community hospital.  The uncertainty of whether or not I will get the job is unnerving.  The uncertainty of whether or not I would qualify if I do get the job....oops, here I go again with the what if mentality.

I just ask you for prayers in this season of my life.  And I commit to pray for you in whatever changes you may be facing or find yourself mucking through right now.

Not only is change inevitable but our God is inevitably all-knowing, unchanging, and everywhere present!

As an aside....I also absolutely love the Dove chocolate sayings, well actually the chocolate itself but anyway...I just recently unwrapped this saying from Love, Dove: "You should charge for your great advice."  That's displayed prominently on my desk but somehow my family colleagues don't find it near as fitting as I do. 

Snapshots of the Sky

I love the fact that I've now joined the "smart" world of smart phones because of my phone's capacity to capture moments on camera.  I've found though that no matter how good the camera, I can never capture the skies quite as impressive as they are in reality.  The sky speaks to me so many times at the end of a hectic day.  I look at the intricate designs and I wonder how much fun God has playing with colors and designs.  And to think I then forget to revel in the raw beauty displayed in the broad expanse of sky.  

I've noticed that the stormier the clouds look, the prettier the sunset.  What about me?  Do I display God's glory better the rougher the circumstances?  What if the sky would be like me and tell God, "hey wait, I can't display Your beauty tonight because my circumstances are way too dark and heavy today?"  How many people am I cheating out of the blessing of God's beauty and glory revealed in me because I'm too stuck on my dark, heavy circumstances?  Or what about the clouds that are broken and fragmented?  Does that detract from their beauty?  Then why do I assume that my fragments, my brokenness, disqualifies me from displaying God's glory and presence?

What would it be like to one night be looking up and admiring the skies in time to see Jesus bursting through the clouds?  Am I ready and watching like Jesus tells us to be?  I gotta admit that I lose sight of that end goal.  In the middle of living this rat race, I lose sight of the fact that the purpose of my life is to prepare for Jesus coming to take me Home.  And since I don't fixate my mind on this consummate event, I fail to tell others about the need to be ready for Jesus.  

The more time I spend looking up, the more I'm reminded of God and His might.  Of His love for beauty and vivid colors. Of His extravagance for us, His wayward children.  Of His tenderness in giving us a visual of His presence in this world gone awry.

Thank you, Father, for Your work of art in both the world around us and in each one of us, masterpieces of Your loving mercy and extravagant grace.

Of Senseless Horses and Mules

Psalm 32:9 "Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control"

I'm not sure what God is trying to tell me but over the last week, this verse has been tossed in my pathway in various forms and methods.  The more I thought about this comparison the more uncomfortably true the thoughts became.

Here's the context for this verse:
In the beginning of the psalm, David talks about the effect of his sin.  And how while he refused to confess his sin, God's hand was heavy on him and he was "weak and miserable and groaned all day long."

verses 5 - 10 (NLT)  Finally, I confessed all my sins to you and stopped trying to hide them.  I said to myself, "I will confess my rebellion to the Lord." And you forgave me! All my guilt is gone. (Selah) 
Therefore, let all the godly confess their rebellion to you while there is time, that they may not drown in the floodwaters of judgment.  For you are my hiding place; you protect me from trouble.  You surround me with songs of victory.  (Selah)
The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life.  I will advise you and watch over you.  Do not be like a senseless horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to keep it under control."  Many sorrows come to the wicked, but unfailing love surrounds those who trust the Lord.

I can testify from personal experience that as long as I tried to hide my sins from God, I was miserable with an all-fours-locked-up approach to life and God.

I like the promise that when I confess my rebellion to God, He becomes my hiding place and my Protector.  Confessing my rebellion is not just confessing my action; it implies that my mindset, my attitude needs to be confessed.  God not only becomes my hiding place but He also surrounds me with songs of victory.  This reminds me of the picture of God's delight over us in Zephaniah 3:17 "The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.  He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing."

It's a given that God will guide me.  Not just anywhere, but in the best pathway for my life.  It's not a maybe, it's a will.  He goes on to promise that He will give me advice and watch over me.  He's willing to be my personal guide.  The key for me is to not be like a senseless horse or mule who needs to be bridled.  God can't guide me if I don't allow Him to be my Master.  He's not interested in having a forced obedience.  He's not going to bridle me up against my will and force me to follow Him. No, He gives me guidance and shows me what He wants for me but then allows me to choose whether or not I will follow His direction.  That my friends, is the mystery of God's love for us.  He gave everything in order to have a relationship with us.  He became vulnerable in order for us to become secure in His guidance.

I know the extreme frustration of having a horse go against your wishes.  Some days, my horse decides she knows best.  Wills clash when she's got her agenda and I've got mine.  I just want to have a delightful relationship with her, I don't want to have to battle her stubbornness every time in order to have a relationship with her and enjoy a ride with her.  The times I ride and I constantly have to be asserting my commands by a strong hand on the rein and a stiff leg dug into her side, I am not experiencing much pleasure in our relationship.  But the times where she's one with my wishes and we're in sync, those are the times where I find intense delight in spending time with my horse.

The same is true with God and me.  God longs to have an in sync relationship with me.  He longs for me to want to follow His wishes for me.  God doesn't want to have to drag me along on the pathway He's chosen for us to walk on.  He wants me to be walking right next to Him hanging onto His hand, in step with Him.  He uses a strong hand with me when I need it but He doesn't delight in doing so.  When He allows me to go through painful times, He hurts with me.  He doesn't sadistically find pleasure in my intense battles with my prideful will.  He wants to see me willingly follow His lead.

I know the pure delight I feel when my horse chooses to walk alongside of me without being tethered to me, nudging my hand with her nose.  So it is with God and me.  He went through hell just to be able to sing over me in His great delight in my relationship with Him when I willingly walk beside Him.

May you hear your Father singing over you with great delight and may you feel His unfailing love surrounding you in the coming week.

Pursued

The Hound of Heaven ( poem ) has been hot on my tail here of late.  God pursues relentlessly yet mercifully.  Why do I feel the need to run?  When will I get the truth that His pursuit is nothing to run from?  

So many times I'm like the bad witch Mombi in the Land of Oz.  I change shapes hoping to escape detection by the good witch Glinda.  But like Mombi when I realize that I've been found out I change into a Griffin and run top speed away.  Just as Mombi failed to think through the fact that the SawHorse carrying Glinda would never tire due to his wooden make-up, so I too fail to grasp the fact that this finite body of mine will tire of running far before the infinite God will tire of pursuing me.

(and yes I have been reading through the Complete Wizard of Oz...it's called indulging the inner child) In my defense I will say this - there are many parallels to human nature and the Christian's life battle between good and bad to be found in these stories.

On a more serious note (and mature level)...I was also reading from the book of Hosea this weekend.    There's so much of me in this sad, sordid love tale of God and His people.  On my best day, in and of myself, I am a prostitute.  I leave God's presence for things that won't satisfy.  Without God redeeming me daily, I would still be an estranged harlot.  I sell my soul for instant gratification; I worship at the altar of earthly things, of worry, of doubt, of desire, of shame, of pride, of acceptance, of others' approval...and the list could go on.  Whatever calls to me louder than God's wooing, whatever pulls my focus away from my Lover, my Father, my Pursuer - this becomes my unfaithfulness, my betrayal to my Redeemer's everlasting compassion.  For each of us, it is something different.  I believe we each have our specific areas in which we struggle to not give our souls away at the price of being unfaithful to God, our Husband.

Here are some excerpts from Hosea that stood out to me:

Chapter 2:13-15  "I will punish her for all the times she deserted me, when she burned incense to her images of Baal, put on her earrings and jewels, and went out looking for her lovers," says the Lord.  "But then I will win her back once again.  I will lead her out into the desert and speak tenderly to her there.  I will return her vineyards to her and transform the Valley of Trouble into a Gateway of Hope.  She will give herself to me there, as she did long ago when she was young, when I freed her from the captivity of Egypt.

What impresses me here is that God makes it clear that there are consequences for our indiscretions, our betrayals of His compassion.  He metes out punishment but then He wins us back.  He leads us into the desert - a place of destitution, a place of barrenness, a place of testing where He is our only resource, our only Source to turn to for help and hope.  It is there in that desert, that He speaks tenderly to us.  And as we allow Him to speak tenderly to us, it is then that He can transform our Valley of Trouble into a Gateway of Hope and restore our "vineyards" to us.  Vineyards - a place of fruition and beautiful, lush landscape.  A place of beauty that brings honor to our Restorer.  

Chapter 2:19  I will make you my wife forever, showing you righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion.  I will be faithful to you and make you mine, and you will finally know me as Lord.

God will show us righteousness and justice, unfailing love and compassion forever.  And he will be faithful to us and make us His and we will finally know Him as Lord.  Wow!  To think that we can experience that right now with the promise of it being even more fully known in eternity.

Chapter 2:23  "I will show love to those I called 'Not loved.'  And to those I called 'Not my people,' I will say, 'Now you are my people.'  Then they will reply, 'You are our God.'"

If you are in a season right now where you think that God is calling you not loved and not His.  There's hope!  In the day that you allow Him to lead you to the desert or perhaps I should say when you allow Him to speak tenderly to you.  It's then that you realize that He is showing you love and is calling you "my people".  Our only response then is to say, "You are our God!"

Chapter 4:11  Alcohol and prostitution have robbed my people of their brains.

Chapter 4:18b Their love for shame is greater than their love for honor.

I wonder how many times God feels this way about me, about you.  Got your hackles up a bit?  Are you protesting that you're not an alcoholic or into prostitution?  Remember at our best days in and of ourselves we're no better than the most wretched sinner.  All sin is sin.  So with that in consideration -- I wonder if He says, Gossip and selfishness, lust and deceit, pride and self-righteousness, love of money and concern for appearances have robbed My people of their brains.  I wonder how many times He shakes His head at us

because we cling to our shame rather than accept His honor.  We find our shame to be too comfortable, to good of a smokescreen to let it go under God's redemption.  To let it go and embrace instead His honor, His forgiveness, His unfailing compassion.

Here's a good video that I highly recommend you watch. It, along with the other works I referenced, helped spark this whole line of thought.   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZJWnyT7oTI&feature=share

Bittersweet

I wanted to be bitter.  I let myself feel resentment as I sat in church yesterday.  Yesterday was painful.  I didn't want to face yesterday.  Father's Day - a day of celebrating your dad.  Sure I could celebrate the memories I have but today that just didn't cut it.

I wanted Dad to be here in person.  I wished he were here filling the void, chasing away the empty ache.  I thought about the fun I used to have picking out a perfect Father's day card for him and how he loved the cards he got from his children.  I thought about how we always got together as a family Father's Day weekend to celebrate Father's day and Dad's birthday.

And I thought about the injustice of it all that some of the grandchildren will have no personal recollection of their grandpa.  I resented the fact that I was cheated out of years of advice for life that my others siblings got from him.

I sat in church and heard everyone refer to Father's day and I wondered if the youth around me knew just how privileged they were to still have their dads.  I wondered if they appreciated their dads' stability and protection and wisdom or if they, like me at their age, totally took their dad for granted and didn't realize how special their dads are.

But then I also thought of all the children who don't know who their dads are.  And I thought of those who wish they didn't know their dads because of what awful abuse they've received from their dads. And then I knew that I had to allow gratitude to flood my heart instead of bitterness and resentment.  Gratitude that God had given me the kind of dad who I would sorely miss when he was gone.  And that's when the day become not just bitter but also sweet.  I had memories of a dad who loved me, who took time for me, who showed me what it means to live entirely for Jesus.

I remembered the times he took me fishing and patiently pulled the fishing line out of the trees numerous times when as a little tyke, I was learning to cast.  I thought of the times he took me along on the truck and how he always stopped for ice cream or an iced tea.  I thought of when he helped me learn to ride bike.  And then of the time he brought home my first brand new bike at the ripe old age of 4.  And how when I wrecked it on my first trial run, he didn't yell at me for the forever bent wheel but instead straightened it the best he could and comforted my distress.  I remembered how I was bursting with pride when he taught me how to drive his two cylinder John Deeres and then how to operate the wheel loaders.  I remembered the many landscaping projects he helped me do and took time to explain the principles instead of just doing it himself.

I had lots of good memories flooding my pain-filled heart, but I also had remorse for the too many times that I bumped heads with Dad and let my temper rule the relationship.  I can rest in the fact though that yes we had our heated disagreements but we always reconciled after duking it out.

Even with all the good memories my day was still painful and I still longed to have Dad in person, to hear his voice, his whistle, and to see his smile once again.  To hear his wit and revel in his laughter, to hash things out with him and soak in his wisdom and insight.   I knew that my pain would only abate after I'd give my heavenly Father the bitter anger and resentment for my loss and allow Him to comfort my grief and catch my tears in His outstretched hands.  And when I allowed my grief-ravaged heart to rest in His presence, He was faithful in coming alongside of me and strengthening me in the midst of my pain and loss.

I don't know what it is that you may be grieving right now or what pain you may be facing but I urge you to go to your Father with it all.  He promises that He is there for us:
"The Lord who created you says: 'Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.  I have called you by name; you are mine.  When you go through deep waters and great trouble, I will be with you.  When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown!  When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not be burned up; the flames will not consume you.  For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior....You are honored and I love you.'" (Isa 43:1-3,4b NLT)
Neither is He untouched by your grief.
"You keep track of all my sorrows.  You have collected all my tears in your bottle.  You have recorded each one in your book."  (Psalm 56:8 NLT)

A song for my dad: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7IbQyG9PL4